IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that children, until they become adults, have to
work
Use synonyms
 without any salary
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to help their city.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with that statement. I believe that teenagers already have many things to do
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they have to enjoy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 during their free
time
Use synonyms
 and holidays. And
then
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, I think that it can be dangerous for them to
work
Use synonyms
while
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 they are still children. On the one hand, I think that boys and girls have to
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their free
time
Use synonyms
 to prepare
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 future and
work
Use synonyms
 for school. It is completely ridiculous
asking
Wrong verb form
to ask
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 children to
work
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
while
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 they already have
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
show examples
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
. It is better to allow them some
time
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 for school, to practice activities
such
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 as sports, arts or maybe learn a new language.
For instance
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, during my
last
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 summer holidays, I went to a sports camp in Spain where I did football
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I learnt
spanish
Fix capitalization
Spanish
show examples
. I prefer that,
instead
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 of working in a company
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 I will certainly stay
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for the next forty years.
On the other hand
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, I believe that if young people already
work
Use synonyms
 like adults in various companies, they can react badly. Indeed, it can be dangerous for the mental health of a
fourteen year old
Use the right word
fourteen-year-old
show examples
 student to assume certain responsibilities. Especially in some jobs where the boss can be strict.
For example
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,
according to
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 a study made by the University of Chicago in 2020, 80% of employers who
work
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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restaurant
often
Check wording
workers often
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 felt very anxious about their jobs. If students during their free
time
Use synonyms
 help a restaurant, they can easily feel worried
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the consequences could be
dramatics
Use the right word
dramatic
show examples
.
To conclude
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 my opinion, it is a stupid thing to recommend
teenagers
Correct word choice
that teenagers
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
help the local community by working.
First,
Linking Words
it destroys their childhood
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it can be dangerous for them. So, the bad consequences are just removing the benefits.

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structure
Make your answer more clear about the task. State your view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion. Do not mix too many ideas in one paragraph.
coherence
Improve coherence by having one main idea per paragraph and connect ideas with simple linking words (e.g., first, also, however, therefore).
language
Fix grammar and word choice. Use 'homework' (singular) not 'homeworks'; avoid informal words like 'stupid'; check verb forms and tense.
examples
Use more relevant and strong examples. Explain how each example supports your point and avoid vague or wrong facts.
structure
Check conclusion: sum up your view and give a final thought; do not add new ideas in the last line.
task response
Clear stance against child work is stated.
coherence
Uses 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show two sides.
content
Examples are given to support points.
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