IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
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It is often argued that in their free
time
, teenagers should work for free in order to contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the well-being of their
community
.
While
 some think it would help at the same
time
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
, some argue that it is a waste of
time
 to ask
such
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 teenagers if they are not getting paid. It is true that young adults could be a great use to help the local
community
 but they should get paid at least a bare minimum. Indeed, around their
teens
Change the noun form
teen
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 years, they
are starting
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to build their future,
inter
Change preposition
in
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 the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 world. Most of them, right after high school, will leave the house and go study abroad, they will need to be
financial
Change the adjective
financially
show examples
 independent.
For instance
, a survey, conducted by the University of New York in 2019 that 98% of the students who are
financial
Change the word
financially
show examples
 independent worked when they were around 15 years old.
Although
 some do not see the purpose of it, others do. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers,
on
Change preposition
in
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 their spare
time
Add the comma(s)
time,
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scroll
Change the form of the verb
scrolling
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 on their phones, play video games,
disconnect
Correct word choice
and disconnect
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 completely
with
Change preposition
from
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 the world they live in. They could be a huge help for their local
community
 but
also
 help them socialize with other people with whom they would not naturally be with.
For example
,
kids
Change preposition
for kids
show examples
 who are quite shy,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working in
this
 way could allow them to express themselves fully in a different environment and feel helpful to others.
To conclude
,
while
 some do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 see the purpose for
teen
Fix the agreement mistake
teens
show examples
 to do unpaid work, others do. I strongly agree with those who do.
Additionally
, unpaid work in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
community
 should not only concern teens but adults as well.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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coherence cohesion
Work on clearly connecting your arguments by using cohesive devices, ensuring each point flows smoothly into the next without abrupt transitions.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence that further illustrate and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Refine your conclusion to reiterate the main points covered and offer a summary that leaves a lasting impression.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by including both pros and cons of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument neatly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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