IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days, people in some countries are living in a throw-away society which means people use things in a short time then throw them away. What are the causes and what are the problems?

#people #countries #society #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
More and more
people
Use synonyms
today
Use synonyms
 purchase
goods
Use synonyms
 that are low-quality and throw them away after a short period of using them.
This
Linking Words
 trend has increased significantly because these
products
Use synonyms
 are often cheaper and
affordable
Correct quantifier usage
more affordable
show examples
, and many companies produce new editions every year.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development could lead to notable circumstances
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society, it may lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 amount of
pollution
Use synonyms
 and
lobour
Correct your spelling
labour
 needs. The prime reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
fast-fashion
Correct your spelling
fashion
show examples
 in our society is these
products
Use synonyms
 are convenient and affordable for the majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. These cheaper
products
Use synonyms
 are often manufactured from poor quality;
as a result
Linking Words
, citizens,
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 low and
medium- incomes
Correct your spelling
medium-income
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, could afford them. The most notable example is Shein, a large number of individuals prefer to buy their needs from
this
Linking Words
 app rather than purchase from renowned brands
such
Linking Words
 as Dior and Chanel
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because Shein offers
Correct article usage
a varitey
show examples
varitey
Correct your spelling
variety
 of
collection
Fix the agreement mistake
collections
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 reasonable prices.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 could buy them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many
compaines
Correct your spelling
companies
today
Use synonyms
 launch new editions of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 devices
ever
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
 year, these modern devices have new advancements, which make
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 would like to own them.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
show examples
 and
Samsong
Correct your spelling
Samsung
 companies release new mobile phones every
tweleve
Correct your spelling
twelve
 months, and these smartphones may involve new technologies that many
people
Use synonyms
 are influenced by
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Thereby, individuals will throw
their
Rephrase
away their
show examples
 old phones and replace them with advanced phones.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development has a dramatic impact on our environment. These
products
Use synonyms
 usually
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 a massive amount of plastics, which may lead to an increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a large number of factories
today
Use synonyms
emitt
Correct your spelling
emit
emits
emitted
 a high amount of carbon
while
Linking Words
 manufacturing their
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will not only impact the atmosphere but
also
Linking Words
 could lead to a rise in water
pollution
Use synonyms
, as many industries throw their waste in the rivers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to produce
a huge quantities
Correct the article-noun agreement
huge quantities
a huge quantity
show examples
 of these
goods
Use synonyms
,
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 could require a
tredmouns
Correct your spelling
tedious
 labour. Many
compaines
Correct your spelling
companies
today
Use synonyms
 recruit a large number of workers
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, to manufacture
goods
Use synonyms
 as much as possible. In my opinion, citizens should change their
behivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 by moving toward sustainability to protect their climate from
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
circumstances
such
Linking Words
 as global warming. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend provides
goods
Use synonyms
 with unexpansive prices and
affordable
Add a missing verb
is affordable
show examples
 for the majority of
people
Use synonyms
, it could impact our environment by
increasin
Correct your spelling
increasing
 the amounts and carbon emissions, which in turn could lead to
pollution
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could lead to an increase in the labour.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should pay more attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem because it may lead to
such
Linking Words
 challenges in our society.
Submitted by zuhrakhirie1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Consider using more transitional phrases.
Language
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that, if corrected, could improve clarity.
Task Response
Consider elaborating more on how exactly pollution and labor issues impact society further.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly addresses the causes (affordable products, new product editions) and problems (pollution, labor needs) of a throw-away society.
Task Achievement
Each main point is supported with examples (Shein, iPhone and Samsung), which enhance the argumentation.
Coherence
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well.
Task Achievement
You offer a persuasive opinion at the end, which strengthens your argument and provides closure.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • mass production
  • obsolescence
  • disposable society
  • sustainability
  • landfills
  • environmental degradation
  • resource scarcity
  • planned obsolescence
  • short-term consumption
  • aggressive marketing
  • thriftiness
  • natural habitats
  • waste management
  • consumer culture
  • excessive consumption
  • conservationist approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: