IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
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 tech-driven world, almost every field is dependent on
computer
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technology
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such
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 as medicine, communication, and transport
systems
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.
While
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 some argue that these domains have become vulnerable
due to
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technology
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, I firmly believe that
technology
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 has superior benefits to offer in terms of efficiency and reliability.
This
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 essay will discuss how the benefits of technical
systems
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 outweigh their disadvantages in different fields of life. The main reason behind the integration of
technology
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 in various domains is that it brings efficiency and improvements in the work. In
this
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 modern age, the
use
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 of tools related to communication, medicine and transport is not possible without advanced tech as it offers significant benefits.
For example
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, the
use
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 of software like Zoom and modern medical instruments is totally dependent on computers, and abandoning the computers can cause serious disruptions in the workflow.
Therefore
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, the
use
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 of
computer
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technology
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 is essential for all modern
systems
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 as it has enhanced the lifestyle of people.
Furthermore
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, we are all surrounded by technical
systems
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. People trust these
systems
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 because of their reliability and the responsible
use
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 of
technology
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.
For instance
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, aeroplanes cannot operate without
computer
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systems
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, and it is considered the safest mode of travelling because their
technology
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 is reliable and trustworthy. So, a responsible
use
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 of advanced tech can improve the work and make lives easier. Admittedly,
while
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technology
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 is safe to
use
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, there is always a chance of vulnerability in modern
systems
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. With the proliferation of internet devices, any software can be hacked. If,
for example
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, a transport system is hacked by the
use
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 of the internet, it can put many lives in danger.
Thus
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, there is always a minor risk involved in the
use
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 of
computer
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 software. In conclusion,
although
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computer
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technology
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 can be misused and put
systems
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 at risk, it offers more advantages
due to
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 its reliability and efficiency. The technical
systems
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 should be properly tested before installation and any possibility of the negative
use
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 of
technology
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 should be addressed beforehand.

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task achievement
Try to address any potential counterarguments more explicitly to strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to further enhance the flow between your paragraphs or points.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear standpoint, agreeing with the benefits of computer technology despite potential risks.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs are clearly structured with an introduction, detailed main body, and a strong conclusion, ensuring excellent cohesion and coherence.
task achievement
The essay makes good use of relevant examples, such as the mention of Zoom and medical instruments, to support points made, strengthening the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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