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Writing Samples
Band 6

Modern technology is being used more and more in different aspects of our live, such as education. Do the advantages of using technology as an educational tool outweigh its disadvantages?

#technology #aspects #education #tool
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Nowadays, in the modern era, new technologies have become an integral part of the education system .In my opinion ,the benefits of using new
technology
 surpass its drawbacks . On the one hand ,virtual
technology
 appears to have some drawbacks .A particular one would ,in fact ,be the sense that it can bring several difficulties for the students ,
such
 as
they spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a lot of time on the Internet and
they lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 connection with real life .
However
 ,
this
 creates a habit for them, even if they don't need it, they still spend more time on the Internet.
For example
, teenagers who are into new technologies play video games all day long, which has a negative impact on them and, unfortunately, in some cases, they harm themselves
while
 watching them. Another notable disadvantage is that
this
 is a threat
children's
Change preposition
to children's
show examples
 health both mentally and physically .
In addition
, they lose outdoor activities , face-to-face meetings and relationships with family
as well as
 friends .
For instance
 ,a survey conducted in Sweden showed that 60% of the new generation feels depression and anxiety .
On the other hand
 ,the advantages of searching on websites or social media through new
technology
 are considerable .Among tremendous benefits is its potential to learn because of the involvement of the increasingly developing modern
technology
 .
Furthermore
 , scientists, professors, and teachers can help you by giving useful directions and instructions.
This
 was especially proven when schools were closed
due to
 the coronavirus and parents were really worried about their children's education.
This
 was especially true when schools were closed
due to
 coronavirus and parents were really worried about their children's education. But thanks to
technology
, teachers teach lessons online and online lessons have since become famous. In conclusion ,despite some problems with overusing
technology
 ,the benefits of
this
 modern achievement significantly outweigh the drawbacks .
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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words to enhance the logical flow of your arguments across paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that examples used align closely with the main points being discussed to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the cohesiveness by making sure each point logically leads to the next. This can help streamline the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which helps to frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both advantages and disadvantages of technology in education.
task achievement
You have used specific examples to illustrate your points, which helps to ground your arguments in real-world contexts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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