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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people around the world using social media evereyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#people #world #media #evereyday #touch #news #events
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There are many
people
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 who make use of social media in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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for
Change preposition
to
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 keep in touch with others and get news events all over the world.
Although
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 there are some drawbacks, I believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 exceed them. On the one hand, the overuse of
the
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apply
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social media affects
people
Use synonyms
's daily life. They are always on their phone and it
affect
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affects
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to
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apply
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their mental state which means that
people
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 cannot express their feelings. Talking
to
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on
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 the
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
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 for hours or messaging
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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empathy.
Thus
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, the risk of anxiety, depression, or other mental disorders increases.
For example
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, it was discussed and researched by
the
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apply
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neurologists that
people
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 who get to contact face-to-face are more relaxed and
stress free
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stress-free
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 than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 always talk
to
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on
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phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
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.
Hence
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, it
isolate
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isolates
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people
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 and
make
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makes
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more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
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 unhappy future.
On the other hand
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, communicating with
people
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's
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 ones whenever they need them should be the greatest thing. When
the
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apply
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people
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feels
Change the verb form
feel
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 lonely, they want to contact to person who understands them. And, to call their relatives or friends might be the best solution which makes to disappear their solitude.
Secondly
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, it helps
people
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 to acquire new knowledge as fast as possible. Decades ago,
people
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tend
Wrong verb form
tended
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 to watch TV or buy
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
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 to get
information
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 about their country. Indeed, social media helps
people
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to reach
Verb problem
obtain
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
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 in the fastest way, and it gives
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
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chance to learn accurate
information
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 from the source.
For example
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, there are many news websites that
people
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 check
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in their daily life to get reliable news. So,
people
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 keep
in
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apply
show examples
track
about
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of
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 what currently happens in the world. In conclusion, though, there are some disadvantages like affecting
people
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's mental health, the advantages,
such
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 as helping easily contact and getting
information
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 the fastest way outweigh.
Submitted by egomammed on

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