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Band 6.5

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disavdantages to living in a house compared with living in an apaartment?

#people #house #apartment #disavdantages #apaartment
In society, there are people who prefer to live in a
house
 rather than in an apartment. There are some advantages to living in a
house
such
 as having privacy and personal spaces.
However
, the drawbacks of living in a
house
such
 as high maintenance are a topic to be considered.
Therefore
, I believe that the benefits of living in a
house
 outweigh the disadvantages. Living in a flat is safer and easier because the building agency
also
 provides facilities
such
 as a building guard, pool, gym, and park. The facilities fulfil their needs to live at ease because they are able to access it without going out of the area.
However
, living in the apartment is limited in terms of space
due to
 the regulations,
thus
, we can not develop our space as we need and it could be a burden if our family members increase.
Additionally
, the residents only have the right to live there for a maximum of 20 years because the license they get is only for the building , not the land.
Consequently
, time is limited for people who have a plan to build a family.
On the other hand
, living in a personal dwelling is more spacious and the privacy is guaranteed. People who have a vision to build a family are more recommended to buy a personal dwelling rather than a condo because they could develop the building as they want as time goes by.
Furthermore
, because they have personal land, privacy is guaranteed and they do not have to worry about their personal space.
Hence
, maintaining a
house
 is costly but if compared with the penthouse, the advantages of having a
house
 outweigh the disadvantages.
To conclude
, despite some advantages of living in an apartment, living in a
house
 is more private and spacious.
Therefore
, it is recommended to buy a
house
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to better illustrate your points. Try to give concrete instances that highlight the differences between living in a house and an apartment.
task achievement
Consider developing some points further to provide a fuller picture. This will help tip the balance more definitively between the two choices.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus. Occasionally, the ideas in your paragraphs could be sharpened to maintain the overall clarity and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in readability and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is well-maintained throughout the essay. Each paragraph flows naturally to the next, aiding in the coherence of your overall argument.
task achievement
You have effectively identified and discussed both advantages and disadvantages of living in a house versus an apartment, offering a balanced view before reaching your conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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