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Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists and technology experts seems to be more valued by modern society than musiciand and artists. To what extend do you agree.

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musiciand #artists
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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, the use of technology has increased
significiantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 in all aspects of life. Perhaps, some
people
 believe that the advanced society
of
Change preposition
apply
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our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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priortizes
Correct your spelling
prioritizes
priorities
 skilled workers like scientists and
technologist
Fix the agreement mistake
technologists
show examples
than
Change preposition
over
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people
 working
on
Change preposition
in
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 entertainment fields like
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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musicians or
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
artists.
However
, I completely disagree with the statement because the population of both younger and older
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 have always admired artist and their
music
. Making
music
 requires creativity. It is easier said than done. Artist need to coordinate their
music
 with rhythm, tone and most importantly, the purpose of the song.
Furthermore
, they have to be sensitive
with
Change preposition
to
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 the message they are sending to the targeted audiences. With all these co-ordinations, they only
suceed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in making
a hit
Remove the article
hit music
a piece of hit music
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music
. That's why most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 their tickets are sold out because of
their
Change the word
the
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 demand by the public. It acts as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proof that they are equally admired by the audiences. Working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a skilled field requires
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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dregree
Correct your spelling
degree
 and
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
. Most of the individuals might not even qualify for it. So, they are often guarded with respect. But needless to say,
people
 working in entertainment fields are too.
Otherwise
, there would be no line of
people
 waiting for them whenever they make public appearances.
For example
:
In
Change preposition
On
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 social media, most of the artist's
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
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wait
Add the preposition
wait for
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 their idol for
longest
Add an article
the longest
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 time just for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 glimpse or
taking
Change the verb form
to take
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 pictures.
To conclude
, both skilled workers and musicians are equally valued by the audiences on
theit
Correct your spelling
their
the
 field. So, I oppose
tge
Correct your spelling
the
 statement that favours experts working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
technical
Add an article
the technical
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 field than in
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
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 industry.
Submitted by gurungbijita92 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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