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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of visiting their usual doctor Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatment #doctor #development
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Well-being is one of the significances in life, the statement is agreed by most individuals but in terms of fitness concerns, seeing a doctor can be a heart-racing activity to attend to, yet it is essential for many purposes.
For instance
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, medical checkups or emergencies.
Although
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 some symptoms can be cured with regular medication at home, reassuring an expert is important. When it comes to fitness problems, the majority tend to use their at-home pills to manage the syndrome for convenience and financial factors. To elaborate, the elders mostly stay at home
due to
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 their well-being conditions, when something has gone wrong with their physical haleness, those would use alternative drugs and remedies. Money
also
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 plays a big role in
this
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 situation, visiting a doctor requires a lot of money even just for yearly checkups and time for the queues considering the place,
for example
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, in Thailand, most hospitals are crowded during weekends. Still, I do not back
this
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 belief, despite the topic I find quite concerning that some conditions cannot be treated with other cures. In general knowledge, drugs provide side effects which perhaps cause the symptoms to be worse. In conclusion, I do not support the idea nor do I think that it is a good development for people to use alternative antibiotics
instead
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 of seeing doctors despite their availability and financial support , especially in the view of safety.
Submitted by kantimangamsuay on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on why you view this trend as a negative development. Perhaps discuss long-term implications of relying on alternative medicine without professional guidance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the flow of your argument. Linking words or phrases can help guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly differentiate between examples that support the pros and cons of alternative medicines.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay acknowledges financial and convenience factors as reasons people might choose alternative medicines.
task achievement
Presenting the example of crowded hospitals in Thailand adds a real-world perspective to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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