IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. It has a negative effect on families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#foods #effect #families #societies
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These days, everything is fast. Back in the day, we used to have meals on our own but now those times are gone. Fast
food
 industries are now deep inside of our lives and they often help us to save time.
On the other hand
, because of fast
food
, obesity rates have increased.
Also
, in Eastern society, they affected a lot to increase the rates of Western
foods
 than Eastern
foods
. I agree that international fast
foods
 have a negative effect on families and societies.
Firstly
, Fast
foods
 are known as inflammatory
foods
 in medical fields. Those kinds of
foods
 are high-calorie diets but they can possibly cause overeating
due to
 their portion and
also
 the effect on immune diseases
such
 as crone's disease. Obesity causes negative effects
due to
 low self-esteem and health problems. The second aspect is the social one.
While
 the decline in individual health is a significant issue, fast
food
also
 has a negative impact on society as a whole. Traditional
foods
, which carry unique cultural significance, can be overshadowed by the excessive consumption of fast
food
, leading to the erosion of these traditions.
Additionally
, from an economic perspective, the low cost and quick service of fast
food
 can severely impact local restaurants and their operations. In summary, the fast
food
 industry can contribute to health problems
such
 as obesity and inflammation, and from a societal standpoint, it can diminish the significance of traditional
foods
 and create challenges for local restaurant businesses.
Submitted by ihjung2000 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer and more structured introduction and conclusion. Ensure that there is a distinct introduction that sets the stage for your arguments and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your main points and offers a final thought or opinion.
task achievement
While the essay covers multiple points related to the negative effects of fast food, it would be improved with more detailed explanations and examples to support these points.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt by agreeing that fast food has negative effects on families and societies, and manages to discuss relevant aspects such as health issues and cultural impact.
coherence cohesion
The essay organizes ideas into paragraphs that address different aspects of the issue, such as health and social impacts, demonstrating an awareness of structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural identity
  • Heritage
  • Cultural uniqueness
  • Nutritional value
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart diseases
  • Local economy
  • Family dynamics
  • Communal activity
  • Sustainable practices
  • Carbon footprint
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Food industry
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