IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Despite to development in agriculture, there are millions in society who still suffer from desire. These are issues caused by social, economic, and other factors contributing to the problems. There are a
number
Use synonyms
 of solutions which should be implemented by the government to deal with
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, one key to tackling the problem is the growing global population which will be overpopulated in many countries. The higher
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 significantly puts pressure on the citizens to get a career. The growth of the population is unbalanced with the company which creates limited employment opportunities.
For example
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, more than 1 million students graduate and get a career meanwhile the employment opportunities are around 100 every year.
As a result
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, a higher unemployment rate can lead to a higher poor economic rate which many
people
Use synonyms
 still suffer from desire. To address the issue, limited opportunities can not implemented alone, there are several strategies to rescue the trouble.
Firstly
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, the law's mandate should pursue building larger assignment spaces to reduce unemployment,
as well as
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 a lot of assignment spaces can increase the
number
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 of employment which affects social and economic countries. Another solution, the government can reduce the inflation price of meals which gives
people
Use synonyms
 easy access to food.
For instance
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, in a country with the highest inflation price of food
such
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 as Indonesia, the public has had access to food which causes many citizens health problems like malnutrition. It showed,
reducing
Correct word choice
that reducing
show examples
 inflation can decrease the desire issues and health problems.
To sum up
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, the issue of the craving population is complex. Addressing the problem requires efforts from the government to ensure that everyone has easy access to meals
while
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 creating job spaces. Another strategy that can be integrated is the low price of meals.
As a result
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, the
number
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 of hungry
people
Use synonyms
 in the world can decrease.

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task achievement
Work on providing more precise supporting examples. For instance, the essay mentions unemployment and hunger but lacks detailed statistics or studies to support these claims.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance logical flow. Consider using more transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast,'
task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons behind world hunger and the potential solutions, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion frame the argument well, giving the essay a structured overview.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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