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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

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Nowadays birthrate in many countries has decreased for some reasons.
Therefore
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, the majority of older generations have been replaced by younger ones.
While
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 there are many downsides to
this
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 matter, I firmly believe that the upsides by far outweigh it.
To begin
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 with, there are many merits to increasing the population of younger
people
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 that can positively affect
society
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. Simply put, when it comes to the workforce, they can be more productive and enthusiastic, leading to economic development and better work conditions.
For example
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, in different sectors ranging from nursing, construction, and management to firefighting , young
people
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 can play a vital role in encouraging creativity and allocating more time and energy to their work.
Moreover
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, a
society
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 with more young
people
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 is more energetic and lively, ensuring all
people
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 live in a standard and developed country. As for the downsides to increasing younger population compared to older ones, though, the most important one is losing their insights into life, as they have more experiences and perspectives. So that they can have deeper attitudes to matters. Take cultural values that can transform from generation to generation as an obvious example.
That is
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 to say, young
people
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 can broaden their horizons by listening to stories from the elderly
such
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 as their great-grandparents, developing their character and learning better life skills.
Moreover
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, both young and old
people
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 can bring harmony to
society
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 together.
As a result
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, there will be a balance in
people
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's lives. In conclusion,
although
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 there are several advantages and disadvantages to having a
society
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 with a younger age group of
people
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 in comparison with older ones, I strongly believe that the advantages are more beneficial.

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introduction conclusion present
Continue to provide clear thesis statements and conclusions, as you have skillfully included in your essay.
logical structure
Make use of more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow and transition between paragraphs.
supported main points
Ensure that all main points are thoroughly developed and supported with examples or evidence for stronger support.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduction effectively sets the context and presents a clear thesis statement.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main ideas are communicated clearly and comprehensively throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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