IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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In recent years, some businesses come up with a new
product
 when advertising. Because new
products
 attract more attention.
Also
, I believe that it has a positive comeback to the seller because they will sell more
products
.
To begin
, new
products
 make people more curious about the
product
. So many people tend to buy new
products
 that have come to the store . Because they have seen the ad for the
product
 on TV or social media. Many companies try to come up with a new
product
 which is different from other
products
.
For example
, Scrub Daddy is a sponge which is quite similar to other sponges.
However
, the company had advertised it differently because it has different cutting and has a smiley face on it.
Moreover
, these methods of advertising had significant improvements for the seller. Because many individuals are buying it after sawing differently than regular ones.
Also
, the selling rate has popped up after showing a new
product
.
For instance
, Scrub Daddy made over 3 million dollars less than a year after announcing the new sponge. Namely, individuals are more likely to purchase new things rather than similar old ones. And it makes the seller to make more money. In conclusion, many businesses come up with new
products
 because they know that new
products
 are attracting more attention from individuals.
Therefore
, I believe that it is beneficial to the company which sells the new
product
. Because they will make more money with new
products
 than coming up with a regular
product
.
Submitted by mcqueensever on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed and consistently developed throughout the essay.
task achievement
Make sure to fully explore and address both parts of the task: reasons for emphasizing 'newness' in advertising and whether it is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the points made, such as the case of Scrub Daddy.
coherence cohesion
There are clear introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good attempt at presenting a logical argument for why new products attract customer attention.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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