IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's contemporary world, advertisement has become an important aspect of
people
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's daily lives. Society has contrasting opinions regarding the almost unavoidable presence of advertisements.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that advertising motivates them to purchase unnecessary stuff, others argue that it provides useful
information
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 about the latest
products
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. In my opinion, advertising affects buying behaviour,
thus
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,
people
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 go after things they do not need.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and restate my opinion. First and foremost, some believe that advertising encourages society to buy things they do not need.
This
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 can be supported by the point that images shown often present appealing visuals and detailed product descriptions which give the temptation to viewers to purchase items they never thought they needed. To illustrate
this
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 point,
although
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 smartphones have become a necessity today to contact friends and families who are distant, the features they ever need are only calls and messages.
However
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, the captivating and high-definition displays of smartphones, especially iPhones advertised online have become temptations to
people
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,
hence
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 they upgrade their phones to the latest versions which they never needed in the first place.
Conversely
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, others are of the opinion that advertisements are important sources of
information
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 about new
products
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. The argument to support
this
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 is the fact that some groups of
people
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 are first-time buyers and the product details are necessary for them.
For instance
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, someone who is buying a washing machine for the first time will be required to know about the safety instructions, prices, and unique features of the device and
this
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 knowledge is crucial to operate the new device.
Hence
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, by advertising, the public will be educated about the integrity of the
products
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 which are important sources of
information
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. In conclusion,
while
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 both arguments are valid, I side with the view that advertisements only encourage folks to purchase
products
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 they do not need.
Although
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 some
information
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 can be useful, most of the time the purpose is only to overglorify the brand and not as the source of
information
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.
Therefore
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, consumers should be careful and rational before deciding to buy unnecessary goods.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your opinion in the introduction. It helps set up the reader's expectations.
coherence cohension
Add more linking words to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or details to support your main points thoroughly.
coherence cohension
Your introduction is clear and presents both views well.
task achievement
You have good examples that relate to your point about advertisements.
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