At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, in some countries, the population of young adults is greater than that of elderly
people
. I believe that the positive effect of this
change is greater than the negative one.
Having elderly people
in society is very essential. They could familiar
us with our Replace the word
familiarise
cultral
heritage and the history of our country. Correct your spelling
cultural
Moreover
, they have a very critical role in families too. As all
of the Correct word choice
All
gathering
in special events take place in the house of Change to a plural noun
gatherings
older
person Correct article usage
an older
of
each Change preposition
in
families
. So they bring a close a nice relationship to their children. Another reason Change to a singular noun
family
that
, Add a missing verb
is that
due to
their age their experience is more than others so they can guide and share their path with people
. For instance
, I remembered
one of my Wrong verb form
remember
friend
told me her grandfathers had speech on each Change to a plural noun
friends
countries
in the world and worked with Change to a singular noun
country
so
many companies Rephrase
apply
thought
the world and his experience was Correct your spelling
throughout
so
useful for my friend.
Rephrase
very
However
, I believe that the benefits of having more young people
outweigh
. Young Correct pronoun usage
outweigh it
nation
are more Fix the agreement mistake
nations
crative
and they Correct your spelling
creative
eager
to bring innovation to their companies, and these days communities need Add a missing verb
are eager
people
who are better at solving problems and vision for the future. In addition
, young people
are grown up with new technology so they
way of thinking is Correct pronoun usage
their
completly
different from Correct your spelling
completely
old
generation and they are very suitable for Correct article usage
the old
today
needs. Change noun form
today's
Howevern
, older Correct your spelling
However
people
used to work with old fashion
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
method
which Fix the agreement mistake
methods
is
not efficient Correct subject-verb agreement
are
with
nowadays.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the merits of having more young Change preposition
apply
people
in city
Add an article
the city
is
more than the demerits Change the verb form
are
due to
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
are more creative and usefull
for Correct your spelling
useful
comunities
and they are Correct your spelling
communities
uptodate
they could lead Correct your spelling
up-to-date
world
and companies Correct article usage
the world
to
Change preposition
in to
better
way.Correct article usage
a better
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coherence cohesion
Some ideas could be expanded with clearer explanations and stronger connections between them. Try to support each point more thoroughly with examples or detailed explanations.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well.
task achievement
You tackle the prompt's main question effectively, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.