IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The issue of how young
offenders
Use synonyms
 should be treated has sparked considerable debate.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as
adults
Use synonyms
, I believe that juvenile
offenders
Use synonyms
 should be handled differently
due to
Linking Words
 their psychological and developmental differences.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with my view. On one hand, some argue that young criminals should face the same legal consequences as
adults
Use synonyms
 to deter crime and establish accountability. Proponents of
this
Linking Words
 view believe that treating young
offenders
Use synonyms
 the same way as
adults
Use synonyms
 would send a strong message that crime will not be tolerated, regardless of age. They contend that serious crimes should be met with strict punishment, as young people are fully aware of their actions and should be held accountable.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective. Adolescents are still undergoing emotional and cognitive development, and their understanding of consequences is often not as mature as that of
adults
Use synonyms
. Young people may act impulsively or under peer pressure, and it is crucial to consider their mental state when determining punishment.
Instead
Linking Words
 of harsh penalties, juvenile
offenders
Use synonyms
 should be given opportunities for rehabilitation and education to guide them toward making better choices in the future. Treatment programs that focus on personal development and social reintegration have been shown to reduce recidivism rates. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some advocate for treating young
offenders
Use synonyms
 the same as
adults
Use synonyms
, I believe that a more rehabilitative approach is necessary. By focusing on their developmental needs and providing opportunities for rehabilitation, we can help prevent reoffending and support their integration into society.
Submitted by bahare.hatamy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, consider including more specific examples or evidence that support your arguments. This can help to make your points more convincing and grounded.
coherence cohesion
While your structure is strong, try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to further guide the reader through your ideas. This could improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your stance, setting a clear direction for your essay.
logical structure
You have a well-structured essay with a clear argument that is easy to follow, making your main points accessible to the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion neatly sums up your perspective and provides a logical end to the essay, reinforcing the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: