some people say that parents should encourage their children to take parts in organized group activities in their free time, others say that it's important for them to learn how occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both the views and give your opinion
While
people say that we as parents should guide our children to engage in any of the societal activity in their leisure time
, however
some force the kids
to be involved in a work activity which might be helpful for them as well. Let us see which actually has positive and negative sides of the above.
First of all, these days kids
get involved in gadgets such
as laptops,and mobiles and spend their valuable time
without doing anything.Instead
of wasting time
,to refresh themselves from the school activities and studies they can mingle with the community clubs in their corresponding places and help many people or get themselves busy with any volunteering activities.For example
, kids
who are interested in sports can include themselves in a sports community and help other kids
to play and learn a particular game.
Secondly
,some kids
naturally have a habit of books reading,gardening,and art skills
which have a positive impact on their lifestyle.Instead
of walking out to engage themselves,they can either add in any online groups who have the same mindset and also
fix a milestone for their skills
or simply enrol themselves in a course to get the benefit.They can share among each other on online platforms expressing their talents,in addition
, they can also
earn some money if they teach their skills
to whoever is interested.
We get so many advantages when a person is linked to a
society he/she may get several opportunities in the future as they will be noticed by others.Correct article usage
apply
This
helps them gain more leadership skills
,a good team-building ability,courage to face others,helping tendency when they are posed in an environment where people will have a clear idea to overcome the barriers in the growing future.
Hence
to conclude
,according to
my opinion, it would be win-win
condition for those who let the children participate in organized group activities in their free Add an article
a win-win
the win-win
time
.Submitted by nusramkumar on
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Task Achievement
You've effectively discussed both views and given your opinion, which is commendable. However, enhancing the clarity of your argument by refining the introduction and conclusion could strengthen your position further.
Task Achievement
Explore expanding on how individual activities could also foster growth and independence, to present a more balanced view before concluding with your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay showcases good structure and flow. Nonetheless, working on smoother transitions between paragraphs and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices could enhance readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of sentence structure variety and reducing repetitions to make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Successfully discussed both perspectives on children’s activities, offering specific examples to support viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintained a logical structure throughout, aiding in the overall coherence of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.