IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The global environmental crisis has become a pressing issue, leading some to suggest that increasing the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 viable solution. I fully disagree that it can solve the problems
due to
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 its effect on lower-income groups
as well as
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 its inability to address the broader causes of environmental degradation.
Firstly
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, raising fuel prices would impact lower-income households, who often rely on affordable gas for their daily needs. Individuals, particularly in rural areas, lack access to public transport or alternative means of mobility, leaving them no choice but to bear the financial burden of increased fuel
costs
Use synonyms
.
This
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 example can be seen in the rural area of Pangandaran, which is home to many fishermen who depend on affordable gas to power their boats and sustain their livelihoods. A rise in oil prices would directly increase their operational
costs
Use synonyms
, making it harder for them to compete in markets and potentially driving them into financial hardship.
Thus
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, policies that increase gas
costs
Use synonyms
 could have unintended social and economic consequences, particularly for vulnerable groups who are already struggling to make ends meet.
Secondly
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, increasing oil
costs
Use synonyms
 does not tackle other critical sources of environmental damage,
such
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 as deforestation, industrial emissions, and excessive waste production. Even if fewer people used private vehicles, significant contributors to global pollution would remain unaddressed.
For example
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, industries continue to emit large amounts of greenhouse gases, and the use of non-renewable energy in sectors like electricity generation still poses a significant threat to the environment.
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that increasing gasoline prices will not help address the environmental problems, as it burdens lower-income citizens and fails to tackle the broader causes of environmental degradation.

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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are equally weighed; the second point about broader environmental issues could be expanded on more, potentially addressing other sources of pollution.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using more linking words that show contrast, sequence, or result to make the argument flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the writer's stance on the topic.
task achievement
The essay provides a specific example regarding the community of Pangandaran to support the argument about economic impact.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the writer's position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental sustainability
  • renewable energy
  • fossil fuels
  • public transportation
  • carbon footprint
  • economic incentives
  • alternative energy vehicles
  • fuel-efficient
  • government subsidies
  • economic disparity
  • urban planning
  • rural infrastructure
  • sustainable development
  • carbon tax
  • green technology
  • demand elasticity
  • energy conservation
  • climate change mitigation
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