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Band 7.5

For centuries important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree ?

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It is argued that education is composed of essential subjects
such
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 as reading, writing and maths.Some people claim that data processor
science
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 is one of these main skills though.
This
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 essay agrees completely with that statement because the
computer
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 is a prime tool used in our modern society. It is conspicuous that
computer
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science
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 is one of the most common skills needed in our modern society.Indeed, it is undoubtedly impossible for a graduate to find a job without being skilful in
computer
Use synonyms
science
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.
This
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 is because
this
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 equipment is widespread throughout the world and is used in every famous company.
Furthermore
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, computers feature revolutionary programs
such
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 as Artificial Intelligence (AI), which is able to execute tasks about writing and reading, faster and easier than humans.
On the other hand
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, many others urge our schooling system to avoid the introduction of PC
science
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 in the primary curriculum because of the fact that basic subjects,
such
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 as maths and writing, are the baseline of knowledge.In fact, Children don't have the same capability of learning as adults.They need more explanations and more concentration to assimilate basic pieces of information.
Moreover
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, long hours of sleep are consequential for them to grow up healthy, which involves fewer hours of labour. In
this
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 regard, schooling should be focused on these necessary abilities
instead
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 of
computer
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science
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. In conclusion, data processor
science
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 should be included in the list of basic skills pupils have to master. Even though, writing , reading and maths are the engines of knowledge and so, should be prioritized in the curriculum. It is crystal clear that our civilization is ineluctably evolving and, the
computer
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 is a huge part of
this
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 evolution.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response, some ideas could be more clearly expressed. Ensure that each main point is distinctly articulated.
task achievement
Consider including additional relevant examples to fortify your arguments and provide a clearer linkage to the initial claim.
coherence cohesion
Some section transitions can be smoother to enhance the essay's logical flow and cohesiveness.
task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the question, addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are organized logically, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, contributing to a well-balanced essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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