IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? and what are the possible solutions?

The labour market is becoming very competitive in most fields of work. In
this
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 context, a higher number of mature people and young professionals are running for the same position.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems that may arise from
this
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 situation and suggest measures to address
this
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competition
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. The most serious problem stemming from
this
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competition
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 is the rising unemployment among older
workers
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. Many companies prefer hiring younger staff who demand lower salaries and are more familiar with new technologies. In Indonesia,
for example
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, many employees aged over 40 struggle to find jobs after being replaced by younger applicants.
Moreover
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,
this
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 situation may lead to workplace tension, as younger employees adapt faster to technology than older
workers
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.
Such
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 generational differences can lower productivity and harm the
overall
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 work atmosphere. To tackle the high level of job
competition
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, governments and communities can implement several measures.
First,
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older
workers
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 should actively join retraining programs that help them acquire modern skills and remain competitive in the labour market.
For instance
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, digital literacy courses can enable them to adapt to technological advancements and reduce the unemployment gap.
In addition
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, authorities can increase employment opportunities by encouraging companies to hire older employees and value their experience. These actions would improve access to employment for people of all ages. In conclusion, the
competition
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 between generations leads to a higher unemployment rate among older people and reduces productivity and workplace well-being. To solve
this
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 issue, governments should create more job opportunities for senior
workers
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,
while
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 individuals should continue to gain new skills and adapt to modern job requirements.

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Task response
Add more facts or data from real cases to support ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear cause and effect using simple sign words and keep each paragraph to one main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Make body points clearer by giving one main idea per paragraph and a short example.
Task response
Give more specific example or numbers for retraining and jobs to strengthen the argument.
Language use
Check word choice; use plain, common words and avoid hard terms.
Content
Good view of the problem with a real example.
Approach
The essay gives steps to fix the issue, not just talk about it.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion are present.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
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