IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents believe that students must work hark at school and spend their free time learning their school lessons, while others believe that students need to spend their free time playing and developing other skills. With which opinion do you agree? Use spesific reasons to support your opinion.

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Most people say that pupils spend all their
time
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 developing only mental ability,
however
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, other people think they have to spend their
time
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 learning other physical activities like some kind of
sports
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. I think
students
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 spend enough
time
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 playing and enjoying. So I agree with the second idea. Today most
students
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 focus on only studying and don't separate their
time
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 to do exercise or workout. In my opinion, youngsters develop both mental and physical abilities but in their free
time
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, they should not study but play. Because
it is clear that
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 they learn many cognitive
skills
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 at school and they can develop them during lessons or lectures.
For example
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, my brother did not attend any kind of
sports
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 clubs or special
courses
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 but language
courses
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 during his school years, which is why it has an immense impact on his character and
overall
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 behaviour which is quite different from mine. The main reason of that I took different
courses
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 that require more action from me.
Therefore
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, I think
students
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 study only during lessons and free
time
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 should be spent taking particular physical
courses
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.
Additionally
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, attending different
sports
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 clubs can make pupils more active and agile and it introduces essential
skills
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 like situational awareness and preventing themselves when they face danger or trouble.
That is
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 why, I think schools should teach
students
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 life lessons first like traffic rules and balancing
skills
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 rather than reading or writing
skills
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. In conclusion, some parents want their children to take educational
courses
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 in their free
time
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, but other people think that their children must spend their spare
time
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 developing new
skills
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 and just playing. In my view,
students
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 should spend full of their free
time
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 learning the most essential
skills
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 and different kinds of
sports
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are fully developed and supported with specific details or examples. Consider adding more detailed examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph organization and transition between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance on the topic and addresses both perspectives before providing a personal viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument, providing a concise overview and summary, respectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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