IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, hoever, think that others types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#government #progress #people #hoever #country
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Although
Linking Words
 many
nations
Use synonyms
 consider that economic growth is the most valuable aim, some people believe that different aspects of growth are
evenly
Rephrase
equally
show examples
 important for a nation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and propose my opinions. To start with,
one
Use synonyms
 compelling argument in favour of the former notion is that in most cases,
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 economy in
nations
Use synonyms
 provides more benefits to these citizens,
such
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 as developed healthcare and education.
One
Use synonyms
 major reason for
this
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 is that governments can allocate more budget to
such
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 public services in the long future. Especially, by providing advanced education to young generations, there is an increased likelihood of various types of
further
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 developments in these countries,
such
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 as technology and medicine;
hence
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, it is ordinarily advantageous for
nations
Use synonyms
 to aim to enhance
economy
Correct pronoun usage
their economy
show examples
.
On the other hand
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,
one
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 key idea
supporing
Correct your spelling
supporting
 the latter notion is that governments should address pressing
issues
Use synonyms
, which
veries
Correct your spelling
varies
 depending on the country. To illustrate, in recent years, Japanese society has faced
shrinking
Correct article usage
a shrinking
show examples
 and aging population, which is widely acknowledged major social
Use synonyms
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 in Japan. Research has
showen
Correct your spelling
shown
 that If the government were
prioritise
Fix the infinitive
to prioritise
show examples
 economic advancement over
these issue
Change the determiner
this issue
these issues
show examples
, the nation would find it significantly challenging to improve the severe situation;
thus
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, in terms of
shrinking
Correct article usage
the shrinking
show examples
 and aging population in Japan, its nation should take
mesure
Correct your spelling
measures
 on these
issues
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible. In conclusion, prioritising economic growth has
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both pros and cons,
one
Use synonyms
 advantage of
this
Linking Words
 idea is providing more valuable public services, and ultimately
further
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 advancements in various fields.
However
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, for
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 reasons,
nations
Use synonyms
 sometimes have to address pressing
issues
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 improving
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.
Thereforegovernments
Correct your spelling
Therefore governments
 have to strive to balance these merits and drawbacks anytime and conclude the best choice for citizens.
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task achievement
Try to address all parts of the task in a more balanced manner, ensuring equal focus on both sides of the argument. Include more examples to clearly illustrate the points.
task achievement
Strengthen the explanation of examples to make your argument more convincing, and ensure examples directly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure consistent use of tenses. This will enhance the overall clarity of your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion, clearly setting the stage and summarising the discussion.
logical structure
Logical flow of ideas helps maintain reader engagement and understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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