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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competitive sports should be included as a subject in school, while others believe that it has negative effect on children. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

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Some
people
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 believe that challenging
sports
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 are better subjects in
school
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 classes,
while
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 others think that it is the worst idea for
students
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. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both opinions and write my view about adding competitive
sports
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 to
school
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. 41 On the one hand, doing sport is the most important thing that all
people
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 have to keep it ongoing. There are so many incredible benefits for used to do
sports
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, especially if we choose the competitive type.
This
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 type of sport encourages
students
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 to improve some important life skills
such
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 as; teamwork, leadership, and discipline. These are transferable skills that can help
students
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 in both their personal and professional lives.
Furthermore
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, they promote physical health.
This
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 means
sports
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 can help children stay fit and combat obesity. Including challenging
sports
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 in
school
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 might foster a sense of spirit and community,
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
students
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 together, and increase camaraderie and
school
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 pride.
On the other hand
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, significant pressure, stress, and anxiety are raised
due to
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 challenges among children. . Even, their family will suffer
also
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 from stress because their kids are worried and nervous. Some
people
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 believe competitive
sports
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 can create a divide between
students
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, fostering an unhealthy competitive environment rather than encouraging cooperation. It is
also
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 argued that focusing too much on
sports
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 will detract from the level of academic
school
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. And schools should prioritize learning subjects over
sports
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. In conclusion, competitive
sports
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 are important as we mentioned in the second paragraph and if
people
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 who have opposing opinions read these points, they would believe that benefits for their kids. So they would like to encourage them to participate with other colleagues to do
sports
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 with each other.

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clear comprehensive ideas
In your essay, some sentences are unclear due to grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Try to write sentences that clearly convey your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to illustrate each point more effectively. This would enhance the practicality and relevance of your arguments.
logical structure
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly summarize your main arguments and overall standpoint. This will improve coherence and make your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Your essay covers both views on the topic with a fairly balanced approach.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are supported with logical reasoning. For example, you mention life skills and the impact on health as benefits of competitive sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive sports
  • physical health
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • obesity
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • leadership
  • school spirit
  • community
  • camaraderie
  • school pride
  • pressure to perform
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • mental health
  • unhealthy competitive environment
  • inclusiveness
  • cooperation
  • academic pursuits
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