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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Cyclists and car drivers sharing the same road might cause some problems. What are the problems? What could be done to solve those problems

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With the rise
of
Change preposition
in
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 population,
roads
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 are usually crowded not only with
cars
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 but
also
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 with
bikes
Use synonyms
, resulting in issues,
such
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 as serious
accidents
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, and
this
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 can be mitigated by simply building a pathway for
cyclists
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. These days, environmental
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 rising in big cities, pressuring people to use bicycles as a means of transport to go to work.
As a result
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, one big road is often filled with both
cars
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 and
bikes
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, causing some harsh
accidents
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due to
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cars
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.
In other words
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, the speed of
cars
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 is often faster than that of usual
bikes
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, enabling drivers to push
bikes
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 or even cause the death of
cyclists
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.
Additionally
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, conditions of
roads
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 are not suitable for
bikes
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, leading to a sudden stop or fall just in front of high-speed
cars
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. In short, these are the problems that shared
roads
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 often involve. Despite the problems, there are some efficient solutions to them.
Firstly
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, if the government devotes some financial aid to the building of
roads
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 for
cyclists
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, it can be the greatest way to minimize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accidents
Use synonyms
 between drivers of
cars
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 and
bikes
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. As
such
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, these ways involve one forward direction without any distractions, leading to the flow of
bikes
Use synonyms
 smoothly and easily. Another way to reduce risks faced by bike users can be offering free lessons in terms of the usage of bicycles in their own
pathway
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pathways
show examples
.
Consequently
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, they ride their bike carefully and follow the
rule
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rules
show examples
 that the government established. All in all, these are a couple of simple solutions to
those
Correct determiner usage
the
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 problems mentioned above.
To conclude
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, serious
accidents
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 that
cyclists
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 are facing can be solved by separating
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for
bikes
Use synonyms
 and establishing lessons against serious issues.

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer picture of the issues and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain clarity and ease of understanding.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay logically, addressing problems and solutions in a clear format.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, establishing a clear context and summary of your points.
task achievement
You addressed the task prompt by recognizing specific problems and proposing logical solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • road space
  • accidents
  • safety concerns
  • differences in speed and size
  • vulnerable
  • severe injuries
  • road rage
  • frustration
  • aggressive behavior
  • infrastructure
  • road design
  • unsafe conditions
  • environmental impact
  • emissions
  • environmental degradation
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