IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #technology #people #viewpoints
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It is
Correct pronoun usage
Is
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 thought by a selection of people that state-of-the-art
technology
 has enabled individuals to group up together
while
 others believe it only pushes them apart. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be discussed before reaching my conclusion which is I agree with the former. At the outset, it is true that modern
technology
 can bring citizens together and one of the most significant support is that it strengthens bonds and relationships. To elaborate
further
,
technology
such
 as smartphones can help us get together just by calling and keeping individuals in touch with their loved ones.
Moreover
, citizens who cannot join at that time can still join via video call from their PCs or mobile phones. An apt illustration is that my friend always makes group calls via Skype because there are some of us who are now studying abroad.
Besides
, when have free time and go out together, he will use Skype to call others to join the meals and have fun-filled conversations. On the flip side, there are several reasons why
technology
 has driven us apart and the most crucial one is that it changes our ways of thinking. To explain in greater detail, some people will think that they do not have to attend any events and just wait to use spanking new programmes to join.
Furthermore
, they just look at videos later if those events or meetings are recorded which leads to being more solitary and introverted. To specifically demonstrate, my boss,
who
Change the pronoun
whom
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 I am now working with, always decides to use Microsoft Team software to attend meetings because he feels lazy and unenthusiastic
to join
Change preposition
about joining
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Change preposition
apply
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at
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apply
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the construction site.
In addition
, if he finds out that the meeting is not related to our responsibilities, he will decline to join the programme and watch recorded videos later. All in all,
due to
 the advancement of
technology
, it depends on people's
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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how
Change preposition
on how
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 they will utilise those modern devices or programmes.
However
, from my point of view, these things benefit us a lot because they enhance and improve our relationships with others.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Vocabulary
Introduce more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the reader’s engagement. While the essay is clear, using a broader range of synonyms and expressions will add sophistication to the writing.
Argumentation
Consider giving a balanced representation of both viewpoints, ensuring not to overly favor one side until your personal opinion is expressed. This will add more depth to the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a final summarizing sentence in each body paragraph to clearly wrap up the arguments before moving on to the next point. This will make your arguments more cohesive.
Task Response
Ensure that each example is directly tied to the main argument of the paragraph and that its relevance is explicitly clarified to strengthen the task response.
Structure
Clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion that reflects your opinion, which is effective for clarity.
Examples
The examples provided are pertinent and help in illustrating the points being made. They add a personal touch to the essay which helps in engaging the reader.
Argumentation
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and successfully explains why you favor one over the other towards the end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fostering
  • Global connections
  • Isolation
  • Diminished
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Cultural and geographical divides
  • Paradox
  • Social media
  • Alienating
  • Family dynamics
  • Echo chambers
  • Polarize
  • Marginalized communities
  • Inclusivity
  • Maintaining relationships
  • Evolution of communication
  • Instant messaging
  • Video calls
  • Technological advances
  • Collaboration
  • Remote isolation
What to do next:
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