IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Family who sends their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #schools #taxes #support #education #system
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Households enrolling their
children
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 in private
schools
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 should not be allowed to avoid paying
taxes
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 that support the national academic system. I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion, and
this
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 essay will present my opinion. To start with, one compelling argument in favour of my stance is that the existence of private
schools
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 is one aspect of businesses, so these
schools
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 provide specialized
curriculum
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curricula
show examples
 to students to meet their needs.
For example
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, in today's society in Japan, one of the ideal goals is to enrol in a prestigious university;
thus
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, a large percentage of young
children
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 in public academies tend to take online courses after school from an early age.
However
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, entering private
schools
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 is more valuable compared to learners at public academies, since they can receive more efficient
education
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 at school, which is ordinarily designed to pass entrance examinations. All in all, to offer a greater
education
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 to their
children
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, parents decide on their own;
therefore
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, these parents should take on the responsibility of paying
taxes
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.
Moreover
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, a reduction in
taxes
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 for the academic system in nations leads to erosion of
overall
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 study performance among younger generations, compared to other countries.
This
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 is because, nowadays, many countries have adopted informative forms of
education
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,
such
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 as digital
education
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;
hence
Linking Words
, if governments fall behind in incorporating these styles,
this
Linking Words
 movement may pose a risk of less effective school classes than those in other countries.
Therefore
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, allocating substantial budgets to
education
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 at
schools
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 is essential for nations. In conclusion, in my opinion, I disagree with allowing households with
children
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 who study at private
schools
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 not to pay
taxes
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 because there are potential risks of undermining the quality of
education
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, and the decision is made by their parents, as they should take responsibility for paying
taxes
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.
Submitted by kurosaku5857 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task, offering a strong response to the topic by expressing clear disagreement. However, consider further elaborating on examples to enhance understanding and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized and presents ideas coherently, with a logical structure that guides the reader through the argument. Enhance cohesion by using varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents a stance on the topic and maintains a consistent argument throughout.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident, with an introduction, body, and conclusion that are well-aligned with the overall argument.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and support the main points effectively.
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