IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people argue that competition at work place is good things while others content that it should be better to have coolaboration place , discuss both view and share your own

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There is considerable debate surrounding competition at
work
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.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that it is useful,
others
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 contend that collaboration should replace it. I overwhelmingly align with the second mindset. Innovation is one of the most significant elements of a collaborative environment, where all individuals can share their unique insights to tackle numerous challenges amid chaotic conditions—a common belief among the majority. They assert that in
such
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 places, not only can
people
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 have positive interactions, but they can
also
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 significantly boost their confidence to pursue their dreams of upward mobility.
For instance
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, when
people
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 are part of a collaborative environment, they can share their experiences without fear of judgment from
others
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, which encourages them to
work
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 hard. I firmly believe that peace of mind is one of the most integral parts of
such
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 environments. When
people
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 realize that their efforts will be well-recognized without comparison to
others
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, most of the stress and concern they may have will diminish, helping them flourish in their lives.
Additionally
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, it provides unique opportunities for individuals to learn from
others
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 who are experts in their fields.
For instance
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, let’s consider an engineer who has recently been hired to
work
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 in
such
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 a place;
this
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 person can easily ask
others
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 how to perform tasks accurately and more efficiently, thereby improving their skills in the position. Some
people
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 argue that competition can act as a catalyst to motivate coworkers to do their tasks better and encourage them to
work
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 hard.
However
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, I completely reject
this
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 mindset
due to
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 the fact that it can create significant mental challenges for workers.
For instance
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, when
people
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 are constantly competing with each other over the long term, those with lower skills may become demotivated and consider changing careers. If they do not do so, the constant comparison may overwhelm them, leading to a strong sense of depression and lack of self-confidence. In conclusion,
people
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 spend a significant amount of time at
work
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, so by offering a collaborative environment, we can ensure that they feel more satisfaction than in competitive places.

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and well articulated, setting up the discussion effectively and wrapping it up with a clear opinion.
logical structure
While the essay is well-structured, ensure each argument flows logically and clearly from one to the other, potentially using transitional phrases to enhance flow.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to reinforce your points and provide a richer discussion that illustrates your arguments effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear introduction, stating the topic and your position on it.
complete response
You have discussed both views fairly before stating your personal opinion, which shows balanced consideration of the essay topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay shows a good command of language and presents your views very clearly with supporting arguments.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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