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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is thought by some
people
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 that
music
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 might be a universal instrument for incorporating individuals with different cultures. Meanwhile, others believe that the main idea of
music
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 art is to find the key for a particular
group
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 of
people
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 as teenagers or the elderly and provide specific tracks just for them.I partially agree with the idea that
music
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 unites
people
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,
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apply
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 because still the majority of songs are created targeting a special audience.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that
music
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 can put together different
people
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 with distinguished nations, religious beliefs and ages. Especially electronic or classical
music
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 which originally were created for a wide mass.
Moreover
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, these kinds of
music
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 embrace individuals regardless of their status and origin.
For instance
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, the international festival of electronic
music
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 Tomorrowland brings together millions of
people
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 from almost all countries around the world every year.
On the other hand
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, some kind of
music
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 is created just for the particular
group
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 of the population. In
this
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 case, a composer targets a problem specific to a particular age
group
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 or culture.
For example
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, Justin Biber is an American singer who creates songs for teenagers and younger adults. The majority of his fanbase belongs to the category mentioned above
while
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 others do not understand his
music
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 and try to avoid it. In conclusion,
although
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 I agree that
music
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 is a good way of bringing individuals together,
this
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 instrument is hardly universal, because a great number of songs are created for a special
group
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 of the population.
Consequently
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, in some instances,
music
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 can connect
people
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 of different cultures and ages together, but in others not.

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coherence and cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences in each paragraph. They should clearly outline the main idea of the paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more context and detail. This can help illustrate your points more effectively and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a broader variety of vocabulary and sentence structures. This can enhance the overall quality of your writing and make it more engaging.
task achievement
The introduction presents a clear position, indicating a partial agreement, which is good for task response.
task achievement
The example of the electronic music festival is relevant and supports your point well, showing an understanding of how music can bring people together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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