IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe citizens should be allowed to carry handguns in order to protect themselves ,while others think this can lead to many social security problems in the society ,what is your opinion , use specific reasons to support your opinion

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In the
last
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 decades, caring
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 weapons have attracted in several ways and drawn the spotlight. Some
people
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 believe transporting
people
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's weapons has many benefits for their security,
while
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 others argue that
handguns
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 could increase the
rate
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 of criminals
people
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.
This
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 essay will argue the disadvantages of carrying
handguns
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 in public facilities. First of all, the
rate
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 of
crime
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 will increase around the world.
For instance
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, many countries struggle with how they keep their region without criminal actions.
Furthermore
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, if dangerous
people
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 carry weapons, they would kill others who do not like them which makes the countries unsafe to visit.
Moreover
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, when the government appoint police officers, they have efficient personalities to protect the area and public space.
For example
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, police officer plays an important role in helping locals to survive without dangerous things in their lives.
In addition
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 to the
crime
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rate
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, another factor that should be considered is the tourism sector. As far as the
crime
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rate
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 is concerned, tourists avoid going to unsafe places which will decrease the economy. To illustrate, if a group of tourists want to discover a new place, they will search on the internet and see plenty of criminal
people
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.
It is clear that
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 will discourage them from visiting which will destroy
this
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 sector and damage the economy. Indeed,
this
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 is a clear indication that individuals do not need
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to carry
handguns
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 in their lives.
To sum up
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, briefly,
people
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 do not need to transport their
handguns
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 in real life which will raise the
rate
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 of
crime
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 and destroy the economy.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to strongly support your viewpoints.
task achievement
Ensure each idea is clearly developed with well-elaborated explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the logical connections between sentences for smoother transitions.
introduction
You have effectively introduced the topic and have stated your position clearly at the beginning.
logical structure
Your essay is structured logically, with clear sections devoted to different arguments.
introduction conclusion present
A conclusion is present and it effectively summarizes your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-defense
  • crime deterrence
  • escalation
  • gun-related crimes
  • accidental discharge
  • misuse
  • ethical implications
  • legal implications
  • gun control laws
  • moral responsibilities
  • law enforcement agencies
  • public safety
  • widespread ownership
  • social insecurity
  • handgun ownership
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