IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters ( such as food, clothe and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individual s who only think about their own wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #entertainment #society #decisions
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Today, Many people believe
include
Wrong verb form
including
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 me that
Young
Correct article usage
the Young
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 generation can make
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own choice
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 disagree.
This
Linking Words
 essay
attempt
Correct subject-verb agreement
attempts
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 to investigate both positives and negatives, and
then
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will present my own offer
To Begin
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, Young society
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to make
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own choice by
their self
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
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, Because it will be very important in future
for instance
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, for their career and
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 job, what if
Young
Correct article usage
the Young
show examples
 generation
start
Change the verb form
starts
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 making their own decision from an early period of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it will enhance making own choices easier. The reason for that
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
Add a missing verb
is thier
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 brain function already used to do that action
Secondly
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, there are a few bad sides
of
Change preposition
to
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 that
also
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for instance
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, if Young people keep doing things without asking
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their parents, it will eventually
let
Verb problem
lead
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 to bad movements.
Furthermore
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, Some of the bad
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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 can
led
Change the verb form
be led
lead
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 to
permenant
Correct your spelling
permanent
 effects so it is better to ask
advice
Change preposition
for advice
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 before
doing
Verb problem
taking
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 action.
Moreover
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, Even everyone can make a mistake so it is better to communicate.
To sum up
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that not everyone
born
Add a missing verb
is born
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 smart so it will be good if Young people start asking for help before they
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 anything. What's more, It doesn't really matter to being selfish
Submitted by xalilovamirxon6 on

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coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further to cover the topic more comprehensively and clearly.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both sides of the argument, addressing different perspectives on the topic.
task achievement
The writer makes an effort to conclude the essay with their own opinion, which is important for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical order in presenting ideas, starting from an introduction to a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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