IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Fast food is a part of life in many places and as a result, this leads to bad effects in lifestyle and diet. To what extent do you agree?

#food #part #life #places #effects #lifestyle #diet
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There is no doubt that these days fast
food
 has become a part of many
people
's daily routine and
as a result
,
this
 has become a bad influence
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 lifestyles and their diet
also
. In
this
 essay, I am going to talk about how much I agree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, I absolutely agree with
this
 statement, the main reason given to support
this
 claim is that these fast
food
 places made it so easy for
people
 to grab and go with their cheap prices and how fast they make the
food
.
For example
, McDonald's has drive drive-through,
people
 will go by their cars and someone will take their orders in under a minute
then
 they will pay and boom, you have your
food
 in under 15 minutes, is it not crazy?
In other words
, imagine you are getting out of work starving and you see the nearest fast
food
 place, you will go and get it without even blinking and you can see how bad it is.
However
, the disadvantage of these fast
food
 restaurants is that
people
 get low-quality
food
instead
 of
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decent
food
 and nutritious
food
 just because it is cheaper and faster,
this
 will lead to a very bad effect on them. To illustrate, they will highly get diseases from getting
this
 kind of
food
.
Moreover
, they will be obese which is so risky.
To sum up
,
although
 it might be less expensive, you are highly risking your life and
instead
 of being healthy and in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good way shape and form, you will get to the point where you can not even stand which is something dangerous. I suggest that we should have the same concept of fast
food
 places with a twist. So
instead
 of
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
being full of fat and sugar, healthy fast
food
 where it full of all the healthy stuff from salads to main dishes and at good prices.
Submitted by a-l-a-a-11 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly categorized into paragraphs, as this aids readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency better.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be careful with minor grammatical errors, such as repetitive phrases (e.g., 'drive drive-through'). Proofread your work before submitting.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples to support your main points.
Task Achievement
The argument you have made is generally coherent and persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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