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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #subjects #mathematics #philosophy
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There is no doubt that science subjects,
such
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 as maths and philosophy are often not easy for some school children.
Therefore
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, many people advocate the need to optionalize these courses. I firmly disagree and will argue the need for children to develop calculative and ideological skills. The main point to consider is the level of development globally. With the current rate of technology, the need for scientific
knowledge
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 is crucial in school curriculum, in order to prepare school kids for the outside world challenges. As the world evolves, the essence of mathematical
knowledge
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 is becoming more obvious.
for instance
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, the wide introduction of robot activities in recent years
,
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apply
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was achieved through mathematical technology.
Besides
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, most things learnt in arts educational
program
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programs
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such
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 as knitting can be done with the help of developed types of equipment. Next is the ability of verbal and quantitative, to think fast and to gain insight and
knowledge
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 of philosophy. Most children would rather draw and get creative than be engaged in some algebra fractions, which can often develop laziness and hinder the ability to be calculative.
Moreover
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, learning about philosophical topics could increase their ethical thinking and morally strengthen their views of values.
subsequently
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, calculations are part of human daily life and activities, and without enough
knowledge
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, it is easy to feel left out. In conclusion, in spite of difficulties in learning some subjects, like maths and philosophy, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
therefore
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, it is essential to include them in the curricula as obligatory subjects.
Submitted by lizzieyohana on

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coherence cohesion
Try to develop more cohesive links between paragraphs. Transitional phrases or linking words could enhance the flow and connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This can help to illustrate your points more clearly and add depth to your writing.
task achievement
Clarify or simplify complex ideas where needed. While your essay communicates the main message, ensuring all ideas are easily understandable will improve your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed, helping to effectively frame your argument from start to finish.
task achievement
You successfully addressed the task by discussing both the importance of mathematics and philosophy, supporting the argument that they should remain compulsory.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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