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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? I

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Nowadays, more
people
Use synonyms
 using
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
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 and treatments
instead
Linking Words
 is becoming increasingly
a
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apply
show examples
popular. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
medicines
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 it is without professional medical advice is
a
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apply
show examples
negative,
In
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addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
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alternative
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medicines
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 and treatments like biomedical products it is useful for
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
people
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 I think sometimes
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be dangerous for humans. One of the main reasons why more
people
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use
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alternative
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medicine
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more than natural
methods
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. Many
people
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 are choosing
alternative
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medicine
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then
Linking Words
 ordinary
medicine
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 because they think
alternative
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medicines
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more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 useful
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 health. Many
people
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 believe that
alternative
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methods
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 like yoga, meditation or acupuncture can be more effective than traditional
medicine
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.
Additionally
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,
alternative
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medicine
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 often
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use
Wrong verb form
used
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 when
people
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 do not believe
traditional
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in traditional
show examples
methods
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 and it is
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem, especially when traditional
medicine
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
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 results.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes
alternative
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medicines
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 can be dangerous for
people
Use synonyms
 who
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
used
Correct pronoun usage
used them
show examples
 . Because
this
Linking Words
 type of
medicine
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illegal
Add a missing verb
is illegal
show examples
 and maybe it will be harmful
for
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to
show examples
people
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. First many
alternative
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
medicine
Change to a plural noun
medicines
show examples
 are not supported by scientific evidence, and
this
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 can be effected uncertain.
Additionally
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, some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
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 can cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serious
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
, like
a
Remove the article
apply
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heart disease or cancer.
Then
Linking Words
 it will
be reduce
Change the verb form
reduce
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 the chances of successful treatment. In conclusion,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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more
people
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
use
Use synonyms
alternative
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medicine
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 or treatment it is dangerous for patients. For the reason that
this
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 method has not been proven in science so need to
use
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 only traditional
methods
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. Which was proven by scientists.
People
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 should always consult doctors to make
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 decision for their health.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas, and ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Develop arguments more comprehensively by providing clear examples and explanations to support your points.
general
Revise grammatical structures and clarify sentences to improve readability and communication of ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task of discussing the popularity of alternative medicine and evaluating its positive and negative aspects.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, providing an overview and a summary.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to distinguish between the advantages and disadvantages of alternative medicine.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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