IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government should provide free healthcare for all citizens, while others believe individuals should pay for their own medical expenses. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #healthcare #citizens #individuals #expenses
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A group of individuals present the view that the healthcare system should be free for
people
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 and the government pays
patients
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' medical expenses,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe the cost of
treatment
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 should be paid by the person themselves. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 reasonably argue that the
treatment
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process
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 should be free for all the
people
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 and
governments
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 are required to pay their charge. In
this
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 situation,
patients
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 can benefit from equal medical care
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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.
Therefore
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, a poor person is able to access expert doctors and well-equipped hospitals as much as a rich one. Another advantage of
this
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 method is that the figure for disease and morality will decrease easily
,
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apply
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 because all the
patients
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 who are prone to an illness can go to the doctor without concern of medical expenses.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another group of
people
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 claim that the cost of
treatment
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 should be paid by
patients
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. They are convinced recovery
process
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 might be slower with free
services
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.
For instance
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, in some countries
such
Linking Words
 as Canada,
due to
Linking Words
 free medical facilities,
patients
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 should wait several months to make an appointment.
In addition
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, they say that paying expenses by individuals against the government
,
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apply
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 prevents overuse of healthcare
services
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. Since in the first situation, everyone even with a basic health problem can go to the doctor, medical centres become crowded and the
people
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 who suffer from a major illness find it difficult to schedule a doctor's appointment.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as most
patients
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 can wait to start their
treatment
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process
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 and the government can provide extra
services
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 and even raise the number of medical staff to prevent these difficulties.
Furthermore
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,
governments
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 and TV programs can boost awareness and encourage citizens not to use medical
services
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 in unimportant situations.
to conclude
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, in my view,
governments
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 should pay the costs of medical care
services
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 in order to help poor
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
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benefit from great
treatment
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 facilities and reduce diseases and the death rate.
Moreover
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,
governments
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 can increase facilities and staff to speed the
treatment
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process
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 and encourage individuals to less visit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctors for insignificant problems.
Submitted by solmazahmadi.72 on

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Specific Examples and Evidence
Try to further develop your arguments with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points. For example, you could mention specific healthcare systems in different countries.
Task Response
Ensure all parts of the question are addressed evenly; consider expanding on the alternative viewpoint slightly more to showcase a balanced discussion.
Language and Style
Work on varying the sentence structure to enhance the writing style and maintain reader interest.
Consistent Argumentation
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains a consistent focus throughout, effectively arguing in favor of government-funded healthcare.
Coherent Structure
The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a good framework, guiding the reader through the discussion.
Balanced Discussion
The essay effectively discusses both views, achieving a balanced perspective before clearly stating your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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