IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Research show that overeating is as harmful ask smoking. Therefore, advertising for certain food products should be banned, in the same way as cigarette advertising is banned in many countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Some
people
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 argue that both smoking and overeating can have detrimental effects on
people
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's
health
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.
Therefore
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, advertising for certain food
products
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 and cigarettes should be banned in many nations. I completely agree with
this
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 view for several reasons. On the one hand, banning
advertisements
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 for certain food
products
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 is essential for public
health
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. One major reason is that advertising often fails to provide accurate information about the harmful ingredients contained in these
products
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. Prolonged overeating, influenced by misleading
advertisements
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, can lead to serious
health
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 issues
such
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 as diabetes and obesity.
Moreover
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, excessive focus on
advertisements
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 can reduce productivity at work.
Advertisements
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 are designed with vivid images and engaging content, which captivate viewers and make them spend excessive time watching.
Consequently
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, individuals may struggle to concentrate on their tasks, resulting in poor job performance.
On the other hand
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, there are strong reasons to prohibit cigarette
advertisements
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.
Firstly
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, these
advertisements
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 often promote smoking by encouraging
people
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 to try it. Cigarettes,
however
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, contain harmful substances that pose significant risks to
health
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, including lung disease, cardiovascular disease, and cancer.
Secondly
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, cigarette
advertisements
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 can influence impressionable individuals, particularly young
people
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, to imitate harmful
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
. These
advertisements
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 often portray smoking as a symbol of maturity or sophistication, which can mislead young
people
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. Without proper guidance from parents or educators,
this
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 influence can lead to unhealthy lifestyles and addiction to smoking. In conclusion, both smoking and overeating are detrimental to
people
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's
health
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.
Therefore
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, banning
advertisements
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 for cigarettes and unhealthy food
products
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 is a crucial step to prevent potential diseases and promote human well-being.

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task achievement
To further improve the task response, you could include more varied vocabulary and sophisticated sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas follow a logical order throughout the essay. Consider using more varied linking words to make connections between your ideas even more explicit.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded argument with clear main points and relevant examples to support the position taken.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion that delineate the scope and resolution of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with paragraphs adequately dividing different ideas and arguments.
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