IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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One of the heated debates is which sector
governments
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 prioritise for tax revenue allocation.
This
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 issue divides opinion between those who view
health
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 care as a major priority and those who consider other sectors more important.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and give my own perspective. On one hand, the reason for allocating taxes on the
health
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 sector is because it helps the community increase their quality of life. A healthy population is more productive, can contribute to a better economy, and experiences fewer financial burdens from medical expenses, which ultimately benefits the nation as a whole.
For example
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, the development of
health
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 services in rural areas has been successful
due to
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 significant fund allocation, ensuring better access to healthcare for citizens and enabling them to lead more productive lives.
As a result
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, the mortality rate decreases, and people are better able to contribute to the development of their local areas.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that
instead
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 of spending more taxes
to
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on
show examples
health
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 services,
governments
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 should invest in other crucial areas,
such
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 as education, defence, or even environmental protection. To illustrate, the degradation of the living environment poses significant threats to people's survival.
As a result
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,
governments
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 should prioritise conducting research to address these challenges, which requires substantial funding given the high cost of research. In conclusion, in my opinion, all sectors are important and should be given the same level of priority, as social welfare can be achieved when all sectors function effectively. What must be emphasised is
governments
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 should allocate tax revenues wisely and carefully review programs before deciding how to distribute funds.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph links more clearly to the next to improve overall flow.
Task Achievement
Expand on the conclusion with a summary of the main points discussed, reinforcing your opinion.
Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as the development of health services in rural areas and environmental challenges, are relevant and support the arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
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