IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the heated debates is which sector
governments
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 prioritise for tax revenue allocation.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 issue divides opinion between those who view
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 care as a major priority and those who consider other sectors more important.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay will discuss both points of view and give my own perspective. On one hand, the reason for allocating taxes on the
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 sector is because it helps the community increase their quality of life. A healthy population is more productive, can contribute to a better economy, and experiences fewer financial burdens from medical expenses, which ultimately benefits the nation as a whole.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the development of
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 services in rural areas has been successful
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 significant fund allocation, ensuring better access to healthcare for citizens and enabling them to lead more productive lives.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the mortality rate decreases, and people are better able to contribute to the development of their local areas.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some people believe that
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of spending more taxes
to
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 services,
governments
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 should invest in other crucial areas,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as education, defence, or even environmental protection. To illustrate, the degradation of the living environment poses significant threats to people's survival.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
governments
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 should prioritise conducting research to address these challenges, which requires substantial funding given the high cost of research. In conclusion, in my opinion, all sectors are important and should be given the same level of priority, as social welfare can be achieved when all sectors function effectively. What must be emphasised is
governments
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 should allocate tax revenues wisely and carefully review programs before deciding how to distribute funds.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph links more clearly to the next to improve overall flow.
Task Achievement
Expand on the conclusion with a summary of the main points discussed, reinforcing your opinion.
Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as the development of health services in rural areas and environmental challenges, are relevant and support the arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
What to do next:
Look at other essays: