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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As a result of tourism and more people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problem does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve this problem?

#tourism #people #demand #flights #environment #measures
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The world is a very different place nowadays. Travel is very fast now between the past .Many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to visit new countries by plane in the air . That
makes
Verb problem
causes
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 some
problems
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 for the
environment
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.
This
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 essay will show what
problems
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this
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 has on the
environment
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 and what measures could be taken to solve the
problems
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. There are many
problems
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 we have with the
environment
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.
Firstly
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, areas that are around the airport have
problems
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 .
Such
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 as
that is
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 very dangerous because gas and gasoline are everywhere in the weather .
Although
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 that causes high temperature .
Secondly
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, plane sounds are a big problem for
people
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 . Someone who lives next to the airport is very harassed because of the sounds.
Finally
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, the government all the world do not care about
this
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 case .
Also
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, there are many companies
private
Correct pronoun usage
whose private
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 travel creates
problems
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 for the
environment
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 and no tax
applied
Add a missing verb
is applied
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for
Change preposition
to
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 them .
On the other hand
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, there are many solutions to solve the
problems
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 .
Firstly
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, airports should be built in different places.
Such
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 as places far from where
people
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 live .
Secondly
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, the airport must make a system great for travel .
As well as
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 organize flight times and build planes for more
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 to reduce the number of planes .
Finally
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, the government needs to make strong laws to keep the
environment
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 clean.
That companies
Correct determiner usage
Companies
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should respect the laws
between
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of
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all the
people
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enjoy
Correct pronoun usage
who enjoy
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with
Change preposition
apply
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the
environment
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. In conclusion, there are many
problems
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this
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 has on the
environment
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.
However
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, there are many solutions to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
 .
Submitted by alfred on

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Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with specific examples. This can provide more depth to your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain clarity and coherence by connecting ideas with a wider variety of linking words, such as 'however', 'therefore', or 'in addition'.
Task Achievement
Further develop your main ideas with more detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a conclusion, which frames your discussion effectively.
Task Achievement
You successfully identify several environmental issues related to increased flights.
Topic Vocabulary:
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