IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that zoos play an important role in wildlife conservation and education. However, others argue that animals should not be kept in captivity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #zoos #role #wildlife #conservation #education #animals #captivity
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It is widely argued that
zoos
Use synonyms
 can serve the purposes of preserving wild animals and providing substantial education.
However
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, others believe that
people
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 should not keep them in cages.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and propose my stance. To start with, one compelling argument in
favor
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favour
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 of the former notion is that
zoos
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 are designed not only as places for leisure but
also
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 as educational settings for experts. To illustrate, experts in
zoos
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 have strived to save a large number of endangered species around the world.
This
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 is because,
due to
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 human invasion of wildlife habitats and the significant impacts of climate change, many species have become endangered;
hence
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,
zoos
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 raise funding for preserving them and offering suitable environments to these creatures.
Furthermore
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, displaying these creatures at
zoos
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 can promote awareness of environmental issues among citizens,
such
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 as the loss of ecological diversity and the importance of wildlife preservation, which can be an enlightening experience. Namely, their activities can play a crucial role in promoting awareness and offering valuable experiences to the public.
In contrast
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, one key reason for the latter notion is that it is evident that animals, like
people
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 who live in a single place for an extended period, may
also
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 feel stressed;
thus
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,
people
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 should release them from cages and allow them to lead a life in their natural habitats.
In addition
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, some of those organizations allow humans to interact with creatures directly,
such
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 as touching and feeding them, potentially leading to excessive pressure on them.
As a result
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, some of them may suffer from mental illnesses
due to
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 fear of interactions with human beings.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should not be satisfied with their desire to adore animals but should encourage them to live in their natural habitats. In conclusion,
while
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 the presence of
zoos
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 offers significant advantages,
such
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 as raising awareness of environmental issues and providing enlightening activities, there are
also
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 valid concerns regarding undermining the integrity of their lives.
Accordingly
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, balancing the advantages and drawbacks is crucial.
Submitted by kurosaku5857 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between ideas in the second body paragraph to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Consider providing a more solid example of how zoos contribute to education, specifically citing programs or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured argument with clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with logical reasoning and examples, enabling a strong task response.
task achievement
The language used is clear and there is a good variety in sentence structure, making the ideas comprehensive.
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