IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that modern technology encourages more social behavior. Others say that this leads to lesser sociable behavior. Discuss both views with examples and provide your opinion.

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In today's era of the modern world,technological advancements are at their peak.Almost every sector like healthcare,film industry,education and communication has adopted the latest technologies.Because of
this
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, few individuals opine that modern
technology
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 promotes more socialisation
while
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 others argue that it leads to lesser socialization.The following paragraphs will elucidate both perspectives
along with
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 my own viewpoint. On the one hand,the new
technology
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 has changed the whole world into a global village.To elaborate
further
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 ,the person sitting in any part of the globe can interact with anyone who is residing thousands of miles apart from him.
Technology
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 has made it possible to have daily audio or video calls with your loved ones.
For example
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,my sister who has immigrated from India to Singapore in search of a job can talk to us daily .Even,she can
also
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 participate virtually in our family gatherings .
In addition
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 to
this
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,
technology
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 has made it possible for us to capture photos and videos and
then
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 publish them on social media like Instagram or Facebook where our close friends and relatives will get to know what is recently happening in our lives.
On the other hand
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,
although
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technology
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 has made us feel closer to
people
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 who are living far from us .Some individuals think that it has led to lesser socialization because
people
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 are so busy mingling with others on social media that they don't give enough time to
people
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 who are actually near to them.They will use mobile phones or laptops to check updates even on the dining table which eventually leads to neglection of the person who is accompanying them. In conclusion,I wholeheartedly believe that
,
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apply
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mobile phones and laptops have made us nearer to the
people
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 who are living miles apart from us but at the cost of neglecting the
people
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 who are residing with us and
hence
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,
also
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 think that we should regulate the usage of
technology
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 so that we can socialize more with our loved one who is really closer to us.

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets up the discussion and gives a good overview of both views. However, further outlining specific points to be discussed can provide more direction for the reader.
logical structure
The logical flow between paragraphs is well maintained, though some sentences can be restructured for clearer transitions, enhancing the overall flow.
complete response
The essay addresses the main task effectively, but consider adding more in-depth analysis for each point to strengthen the argumentative depth.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that ideas are articulated with greater coherence; sometimes, ideas shift without complete connections.
relevant specific examples
You effectively use examples to support your arguments, particularly with the anecdote about your sister, which adds personal relevance.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong conclusion that neatly wraps up your argument, reiterating your main point and offering a personal opinion.
supported main points
Main arguments are well supported and organized. The mention of social media and its effects on social dynamics is both topical and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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