IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is a positive trend while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both points and give your own opinion.

#scientists #computers #beings #people #trend #development #points
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In
this
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 present world, The usage of
technology
Use synonyms
 is constantly on the rise, Even classrooms are enjoying the usage of
computers
Use synonyms
 and the benefits of devices, it is agreed that advanced AI is totally becoming smarter, Analysis government investing huge budget in
technology
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,
as well as
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 the it programmers competition prove that.
To begin
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, advanced AI is getting more intelligent compared to humans the reason for
that is
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 the world depends on
technology
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for instance
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, our daily tasks that we done is by our devices as a matter of fact, The map that we use daily google, chatting apps, and other
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 that are useful for our society.
Furthermore
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, The using of Laptops will be
convient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 for most of us and
that is
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 actually great. It has just been 30 years since we got used to handling
computers
Use synonyms
 it has brought
such
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 benefits to us.
Technology
Use synonyms
 impact more likely
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to benefit us
Secondly
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, there are a variety of bad sides of intelligent
computers
Use synonyms
for example
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, as later that laptop wants to take control of us in fact, In Usa every computer has its little chip that will seen by military agents by the way humans can't feel freedom. The Government needs to take control of
this
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 action or it should be restricted.
To sum up
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, the government needs to put a
limition
Correct your spelling
limitation
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computer upgrading because nowadays it is useful for humans
Correct word choice
and
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computers
Use synonyms
 make our life easier. I think it will be even
useful
Correct quantifier usage
more useful
show examples
 in future and the world depends on Ai
Submitted by xalilovamirxon6 on

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task achievement
Your essay should have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main argument regarding whether the development of intelligent computers is a positive or negative trend. This will help give clarity to your response and direction to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas into clearly defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point or argument, with supporting evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
To achieve better cohesion, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs. Words like 'however,' 'therefore,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' can guide your reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your essay acknowledges both positive and negative aspects of computers becoming more intelligent, which shows an attempt to respond to both sides of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You made an effort to conclude your essay with a personal opinion, which is key to addressing the entire task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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