IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

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The conservation of
wildlife
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 has always been a topic of interest. Some argue that the
time
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 and funding allocated to
this
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 should be diverted to projects towards address the needs of the human population.
While
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this
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 thinking is somewhat justifiable, I would contend that it is in the interests of humankind to put more effort into protecting wild animals. It is understandable why some people think that too much
time
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 and money is spent on
wildlife
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 protection/conservation/preservation. In many countries, deteriorating infrastructure demands more
time
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 and financial investment to enhance the living standards of residents. Simultaneously, education is
also
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 one of the major issues. School construction costs are the main cause of the increase in illiteracy in rural areas.
Therefore
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, it is imperative for governments to channel resources into improving these sectors for a better quality of
life
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.
For example
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, in Vietnam, a fund has been established to support and construct schools for children in remote areas.
However
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, notwithstanding the fact that there are indeed many crucial areas for countries to pay attention to, I believe it is unwise to ignore the importance of
wildlife
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 preservation.
To begin
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 with, these creatures are indispensable in maintaining ecological balance, which directly influences the well-being of the human population.
For instance
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, certain species promote plant development through pollination, ensuring biodiversity and sustaining
life
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 on our planet. Not only the ecosystem
,
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, but
show examples
wild animals
also
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 have some impacts on human
life
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, especially in the medical field. Some species provide rare chemicals that are utilized in creating medicines capable of saving human lives. Taking snake venom as an example, it has been used in many hospitals to treat human bone. In conclusion,
while
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 the protection / conservation of
wildlife
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 animals is undeniably important, the quality of human
life
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 should not be understated. I strongly believe that the government should allocate both
time
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 and money to sectors
such
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 as infrastructure and education to elevate their citizens’ living standards.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each part of your essay logically follows the previous one to enhance coherence. Try to connect ideas a little more smoothly for the reader.
Task Achievement
Expand your examples and explanations slightly to better support your ideas and demonstrate a more thorough response to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that encapsulates the main argument effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced argument, addressing both sides of the discussion regarding wildlife conservation versus human needs.
Task Achievement
It uses specific examples, such as the Vietnam fund for school construction and the use of snake venom in medicine, to illustrate the points made.
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