is it right that school have a much bigger impact on child's intellectual and social development than parents

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One of the
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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responsibilities towards their
children
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is education. Education plays a really big impact
in
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on
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a
child
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's development. Most
parents
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enrol their
kids
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on
school
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so that their
child
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can meet others &
also
Linking Words
learn something daily.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
school
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is a crucial factor because it is a big influence on the kid's intellectual and social development, sometimes even more than the
parents
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. Personally,
i
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I
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agree with the statement.
While
Linking Words
kids
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spend most of their time at home, it is not guaranteed that the
children
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are taken care of. Some
parents
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may leave their
child
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with the maid, or they could be just emotionally unavailable. There are lots of
children
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out there who have to learn everything by themselves with no parental guidance. Some
kids
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become uncontrollable or just simply
seeking for
Wrong verb form
seek
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attention every time. With good parenting,
children
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can experience a stable environment, but
that is
Linking Words
not always the case.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think a good
school
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& education can really help
children
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grow up. In
school
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, the
child
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can
also
Linking Words
experience some things that are not usual in their home. They can explore more & socialize with other
kids
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with a present teacher, they can have real guidance
that is
Linking Words
equal.
Submitted by iigness05 on

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task achievement
To improve your score, make sure to include more specific examples and personal anecdotes that support your main points more concretely. This can help in establishing a more persuasive and comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by better linking sentences and paragraphs. Using transitional words and phrases can help in clarifying your points and illustrating relationships between ideas.
task achievement
Work on developing and sustaining a stronger central argument. Although you state your agreement with the essay statement, further depth in analysis would strengthen your writing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly establishes the topic and presents your position, which helps in setting a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both the roles of parents and schools in children's development, which adds balance to the discussion.
task achievement
You successfully utilize a conversational tone and clear expressions, which make the essay accessible and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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