IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

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These days, the public does not require goods from
animals
Use synonyms
 ,
such
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 as food, clothes, drugs, and so on . I subscribe to
this
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 idea owing to the fact that technology alters the use of the newest materials
instead
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 of traditional items, and people prefer to become vegetarian. On the one hand, the advancement in technology and science creates a chance for companies to have various selections and utilise new resources
instead
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 of
animals
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 to produce their products.
For example
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, Today, most leather goods like jackets, pants, and so forth are produced with artificial Leather rather than killing wild creatures for their skins.
In addition
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, for the design of the clothes, they use fur generated from plastic in various models rather than using the tails of
animals
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, The fact
that is
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 really important is that in
this
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 era, global inhabitants like to save the environment from annihilation owing to the fact when international inhabitants have a plant-based diet, they are aiding environmental sustainability.
In other words
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, using meat has a lot of adverse influences like growing domestic
animals
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 emitting a lot of greenhouse gases and increasing the effect of global warming.
Furthermore
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, for constructing farmland the forests should be destroyed:
moreover
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, hunting of wild
animals
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 that are really rare declines, so biodiversity is not on the brink of extinction. In conclusion, In my opinion, in the modern world people find the best way to produce their goods without using
animals
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, people like to save the environment from a range of threats.
Consequently
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, for eco-friendliness, they change their diet from meat to vegetables.

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Coherence and Cohesion
In some areas, your use of punctuation could be improved for better clarity. Be mindful of comma usage and sentence structure.
Task Response
Introduce more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively states your position on the topic and provides a clear overview of the supporting arguments that will be discussed in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a clear point, which supports your main argument, ensuring logical flow and coherence.
Task Achievement
You have successfully included relevant examples to support your viewpoints, making your argument more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable
  • ethical alternatives
  • global demand
  • genetic engineering
  • synthetic biology
  • plant-based diets
  • environmental footprint
  • veganism
  • biotechnology
  • cultural sensitivity
  • economic viability
  • lab-grown meat
  • synthetic materials
  • global infrastructure
  • consumer habits
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