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Writing Samples
Band 5

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society but nobody has agreed on what an ideal society would look like. What do you think is the most important element needed to make a society perfect? How can the ideal society be achieved?

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During the history of
mankind
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mankind,
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people
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 have always argued about what is an ideal
society
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 and dreamed of it.
This
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 essay will discuss which element is essential for
such
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society
Correct article usage
a society
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 and how humanity may achieve it. First of all, I suppose that freedom would be an indispensable part of the future perfect
society
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. In my view, all humans should have
opportunity
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the opportunity
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 to speak and share their opinions freely. What is more,
people
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 will have access to all the information and resources for personal development. I think that it will be beneficial for
the
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apply
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social progress.
For example
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, in many European
countries
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countries,
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 these projects were implemented.
Thus
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, these governments have a more harmonious and stable
society
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 than in other regions.
Moreover
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, I consider that consciousness is the most needed personal quality that every person ought to embrace. It may sound utopian but only by achieving
high
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a high
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 level of rationality
people
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 would live in a
society
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that is
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 close to ideal.
For instance
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, in
Norway
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Norway,
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 many supermarkets do not have cashiers at all.
People
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 understand that it is necessary to pay for the products and it is inappropriate to steal.
Consequently
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,
people
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 treat each other respectfully and they all contribute to the development of their motherland.
To sum up
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, I would like to say that an ideal
society
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 can be achievable
people
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 are conscious, pay respect to others and value their freedom and everyone else's. I believe that
this
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 way we can come closer to that dream.

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General
Consider expanding on the introduction to provide a broader context or background on the topic. This will help engage your readers and set a firm foundation for your argument.
Organization
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your points. It will enhance the clarity and structure of your essay.
Development
While the examples used are relevant, try to develop them further to show a deeper understanding or connection to the topic. This will enrich your arguments.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the discussion and providing closure to your argument.
Task Completion
The essay covers both elements of the task effectively: identifying an essential element of a perfect society and methods to achieve it.
Examples
Your examples, particularly those about European countries and Norway, are relevant and help to illustrate your points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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