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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Experts say that if the elderly spend time with others and exercise daily, they will enjoy better health and happiness. However, many elderly individuals suffer from loneliness and lack of physical fitness. Discuss the causes of these problems and provide solutions.

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It is commonly believed that social interaction and physical activity are essential for the elderly to lead healthier and happier lives. Despite
this
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, many older adults experience
loneliness
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 and lack of
fitness
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, which negatively impact their well-being.
This
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 essay will examine the main causes of these issues and propose effective solutions. The primary cause of
loneliness
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 among the elderly is the weakening of family and
community
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 connections. Modern lifestyles often require younger generations to move away for work or education, leaving older family members with limited interaction.
Additionally
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, the shift towards individualism in society has reduced opportunities for
community
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 engagement,
further
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 isolating seniors. Another significant factor is the physical and psychological barriers that discourage exercise. Many elderly individuals face health conditions
such
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 as joint pain or chronic illnesses, making physical activity challenging.
Moreover
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, the absence of accessible
fitness
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programs
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 designed for seniors creates a lack of motivation and opportunity to stay active. To combat
loneliness
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, fostering stronger social connections is crucial. Governments and organizations can introduce
programs
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 where the elderly participate in group activities,
such
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 as art classes or
community
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 events. Encouraging intergenerational interactions,
such
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 as mentorship or storytelling initiatives, can
also
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 rebuild bonds between age groups. To address the lack of physical
fitness
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, tailored exercise
programs
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 should be widely available. Activities like yoga, tai chi, or walking clubs designed for seniors can make exercise enjoyable and achievable. Creating senior-friendly recreational spaces and providing transportation support can
further
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 encourage participation. In conclusion,
loneliness
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 and inactivity among the elderly are largely caused by weakened social connections and health barriers. Solutions
such
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 as fostering
community
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 engagement and offering accessible
fitness
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programs
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 can greatly enhance their quality of life. Ensuring the well-being of our elderly is not only an act of respect but
also
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 a foundation for a more compassionate and inclusive society.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has well-structured paragraphs with clear main ideas. To further enhance coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to more smoothly transition between points.
Task Achievement
While you've comprehensively addressed the task, including more specific examples or data could further strengthen your analysis and support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states the issue and outlines the essay's purpose, which effectively sets the context for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the arguments and reinforces the solutions discussed, ensuring a strong ending to your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both the causes and solutions, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
The proposed solutions, like community programs and tailored fitness activities, are practical and relevant to the issues discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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