IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organised by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, psychologists are keen to raise the awareness of parents about the importance of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for children. They indicate that activities kids are involved in should be monitored and tailored
according to
Linking Words
 their personalities and needs as well,
However
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, some consider that any activity ought to be as they choose not as parents wish.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and my personal opinion will be presented in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with the first opinion, which I agree with, it is better for free
time
Use synonyms
 to be useful to enhance the interpersonal skills of youngsters or to improve a hobby.
In other words
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, they will get the most out of playing
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, Kidzania, which is a worldwide popular playing
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, is considered by experts as the best creative and entertainment place where children can play and learn at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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 that, in
such
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experience
Correct article usage
an experience
show examples
, they are given the chance to discover more about their interests and abilities.
Furthermore
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, they socialize and cooperate with others and make new friends. On the other side, Some opine that a child's life is guided by caretakers around the clock.
Hence
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, giving them a space of freedom to do whatever they wish is important to feel that they are responsible and have privacy.
this
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 group of people argue that some may tend to force their kids to practice something they could not do when they were young
such
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 as playing the piano or taking riding horses lessons, which their son/daughter dislikes or is not interested in. By
this
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, the effects will be deteriorating on their personalities and they could be under stress
instead
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 of having fun and entertaining.
to conclude
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, the aforementioned points clearly explain how I agree with organising the free play
time
Use synonyms
.
However
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, on balance, youngsters should be allowed to select things they like to do but within limitations because if they were given unlimited choices they would certainly tend to play video games and virtual activities which would not encounter
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views clearly and presents a personal opinion, there is occasional overuse of commas and some grammatical inaccuracies. Be mindful of punctuation and double-check for grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, transitions between some ideas can be smoother. Using more varied linking phrases will help improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and includes a personal opinion, which strengthens the essay.
introduction conclusion
The introduction sets the stage well for the discussion and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while emphasizing a balanced perspective.
relevant specific examples
The use of real-world examples, such as Kidzania, adds credibility and relevance to the arguments presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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