IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where irrelevant

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where irrelevant
#bar #divorce #rates #two #european #countries #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Overall
Linking Words
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend,
while
Linking Words
Finland
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend throughout the period. Both countries’ divorce
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 had some fluctuations.
Although
Linking Words
Finland
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 had a lower
rate
Use synonyms
, it outraced
Sweden
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Sweden
Use synonyms
’s divorce
rate
Use synonyms
 was about 45% in 2011, being higher than
Finland
Use synonyms
’s
rate
Use synonyms
 by approximately 8%.
Then
Linking Words
, it rose almost 50% in 2012.
However
Linking Words
, the figure showed a gradual decrease to about 47% in 2013
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and continued to decline steadily to the end of the period, reaching around 45% in 2014 and hitting a
low-point
Correct your spelling
low point
show examples
 of about 37% in 2015. The percentage of divorces in
Finland
Use synonyms
 was less than 40% in 2011, and it decreased in 2012, when about
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of marriages in
Finland
Use synonyms
 ended with a divorce (as opposed to almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in
Sweden
Use synonyms
).
However
Linking Words
, the figure experienced
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
steady growth during the next two years. It rose to approximately 39% in 2013,
then
Linking Words
 increased by around 3% in 2014, and remained steady for the next year, outracing the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
Sweden
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sdfitriyanti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sweden, finland, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: