IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is no doubt that financial stability is one of the most important prospects to achieve.
Thus
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, I believe that learning how to save
money
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 and having an allowance of
money
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 is a necessity for
people
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 of all ages.
Firstly
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, one of the most essential skills associated with
money
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-saving is self-discipline and self-control.
This
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 is because when
people
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, especially kids and young ones, put themselves on a budget and limit the amount of cash they spend, they learn how to control their desires and only buy things that they need.
This
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 can be adopted as a nursing criterion.
For instance
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, when parents make their young children save
money
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 and
then
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 allow them to buy a certain thing they want,
such
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 as a toy or a piece of chocolate, the young ones
would be
Verb problem
are
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 more likely to develop a sense of gratefulness and appreciation towards their parents.
Moreover
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, engaging children in financial management might help them gain real-world experience towards how to manage their
money
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 later on.
Secondly
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, saving
money
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 in some cultures is proof of growth and capability. To illustrate, men wanting to get married and form families in the Arabic culture need to provide their bride with a home and give them a decent gift in order to marry them.
Therefore
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, the more you are able to save for your future, the more you are appreciated and respected in your community, and the more you are likely to get married to your beloved one.
Furthermore
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, recent economic changes and circumstances bear a need for fund-saving in order to reduce the personal effect of
potential
Correct article usage
a potential
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 economic crisis. In conclusion,
money
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 saving is a crucial skill that all of us, including young
people
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, should have, as it helps
people
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 be self-sufficient, proves their place in society, and protects their future from the risk of bankruptcy.

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task achievement
Try to include more examples and evidence to further substantiate your claims. This will also make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Though the essay is coherent, work on the transitions between your ideas to make them flow more smoothly. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are strong, they could be expanded slightly to provide even more context and summarization.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and states the writer's position on the importance of saving money.
task achievement
The essay provides logical explanations for the necessity of saving money across different ages and emphasizes the benefits of self-discipline.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces the essay’s argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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