IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Foreign tourists abroad should be charged more than local people when visiting the local historical and cultural tourist attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#tourists #people #tourist #attractions
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The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the number of international travellers.
While
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 some argue that entrance costs to local cultural and historical
tourist
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 attractions should be higher for foreign
tourists
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, in
this
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 essay, I intend to argue that
this
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 is immoral and might degrade the
tourist
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 industry in destination countries. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows. First of all, it is evident that establishing an extra charge for
tourists
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 from abroad will plunge the number of
tourists
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 from abroad. Compelling them to pay more to be permitted to visit local historical and cultural places would create a sense of discrimination, discouraging them from making a holiday to the same country again.
According to
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 a psychological principle, behaving unfairly because of nationality is unappealing to humans and is considered to be immoral. Continuing
this
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 trend, the
tourist
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 industry,
therefore
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, is more likely to degenerate and decline the economic bases of the destination nations. Yet, perhaps the strongest argument against
this
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 is an exponential decline in cultural and historical heritage values. Of course, forcing foreign
tourists
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 to pay more has the potential to boost the economic bases of the destination communities;
however
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,
this
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 approach indicates too much emphasis on the materialistic values of
such
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 monuments, resulting in a significant decrease in their spiritual values.
Furthermore
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, travellers from abroad may assume that they have been abused and that their civil rights have been violated. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that if governments wish to be consistent in pursuing their dream of a sustainable
tourist
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 industry, all
tourists
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 to the country should be treated fairly and justly.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

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advice
It would be beneficial to include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument further. Adding real-world data or instances could provide a stronger basis for your claims.
advice
Ensure that each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. Although your essay is well-organized, some transitions could be a bit more fluid, particularly between the first and second main points. Use transitional phrases or sentences to achieve this.
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Your essay has a strong and clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing your stance.
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The arguments are well-developed and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic, allowing you to address multiple aspects of the question effectively.
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You have succeeded in maintaining clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay, sticking closely to the topic and providing relevant points that support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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