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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people argue that holding sporting events is beneficial to countries' development. However, other people hold the opposite opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #events #countries #development
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Holding sporting events is often considered to be advantageous for countries' development.
Nevertheless
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, there are individuals who disagree with
this
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 point of view. My essay will discuss both opinions and provide my own way of thinking. On the one hand, those occasions contribute to the economy. Foreign sports fans explore local restaurants, cafes, hotels and other public places and spend their money.
For instance
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, during the Olympic Games in 2018 Russian sector of service experienced a large growth.
Thus
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, the level of economic development increases when a country holds
such
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 an event.
Moreover
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, the number of people who visit tourist attractions rises
also
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. Fans and sportsmen tend to see the most spectacular sights between the competitions.
For example
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, European governments earn lots of money on museum tickets
while
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 the European Cup is held.
This
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 is beneficial for the economy as well.
On the other hand
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, foreigners can damage the most significant national sights. Ancient temples or statues can be ruined. As an example, the Trevi Fountain in Rome often has to be cleaned up because fans throw garbage next to it.
Furthermore
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, during these special occasions, crime is more widespread than usual. Crowded streets become more and more dangerous. To illustrate,
while
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 the Olympics in France were held, hundreds of individuals got robbed.
Such
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 a criminal situation in a country can lower its international status. I suppose that organising sporting events is essential for every country that wants to prosper and engage people from different regions to come and invest in its economy.
Hence
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, I claim that it is indispensable for governmental development. In conclusion, I would like to say that even though holding
such
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 competitions has some minuses, all the advantages outweigh its drawbacks.
Submitted by georgyzhelezov on

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, ensure that all examples directly support the argument being made and that the examples provide sufficient evidence.
coherence cohesion
Enhance unity by ensuring that all parts of the essay contribute directly to developing the main ideas, avoiding repetition or irrelevant details.
task achievement
The essay clearly responds to the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument thoroughly and providing a personal opinion.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and support the points made, enhancing the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, discussion of both views, and a conclusion summarizing the opinion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with effective use of transitional phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'. This contributes to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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