IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

To what extent do Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that residing in crowded metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
 can generate diverse health problems. I argue with
this
Linking Words
 opinion,
however
Linking Words
, from a rational perspective, I believe that living in big
cities
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 various benefits. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will dive into the depth of these statements. One of the main reasons why it is widely believed that disease and living in big
cities
Use synonyms
 are closely related is air pollution.
This
Linking Words
 ecological and environmental issue is the root cause of respiratory diseases
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of natural contact and limited access to pure and fresh air.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, we can not deny that stress levels are higher in urban environments
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of noise pollution and fast-paced lifestyle. In fact, numerous studies delineate that the percentage of individuals suffering from depression is significantly higher in metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
 than the other different areas.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 often offer more opportunities for physical activities
such
Linking Words
 as gyms and sports clubs where busy city people can
workout
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
 and try to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, concerning healthcare facilities, the most developed and specialized well-equipped hospitals are usually located in big
cities
Use synonyms
 where patients can receive better treatment.
For example
Linking Words
, in different countries, the governments, in need of enhancing the healthcare system in the countryside, had settled laws with a focused strategy namely well-prepared infrastructure hospitals and attractive bonuses to specialized doctors to encourage them to work outside big
cities
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there might be different health drawbacks to living in urban areas, it can be challenging, especially for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 who need special healthcare to settle in the countryside with limited facilities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to clarify your stance in the introduction. The phrase 'I argue with this opinion' could be refined for clarity, such as 'I partly agree or disagree, while acknowledging certain benefits.'
task achievement
While discussing both sides of the argument, ensure balance in the number of points and examples provided for each side. This enhances clarity and persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow. Consider using connecting words and phrases to link ideas and sections.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid structure.
task achievement
The discussion of health issues due to air pollution and lack of exercise opportunities in cities is addressed with relevant points and supporting details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • respiratory issues
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • noise pollution
  • health facilities
  • mental health
  • physical activities
  • nature contact
  • health problems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: